Wow, what a question.
I feel sorry for you, but its hard to give my opinion when half the story is missing. I agree with Bossy, You cant make him leave his wife, and If he doesnt want to then obviously the love you share is weighted more heavily from your side.
I would love to know what the ground rules were when you started this little “thing”.
It is interesting to read about however.

I think that perhaps you need to talk to your husband, he may be feeling the same way about the other guys wife, Or speak to your lovers wife, she might be in love with your husband..

Oh it just gets jucier doesnt it… What a complicated situation. Do you think you would still be happy with your husband if this arrangement had never occured? Might be worth thinking about.

Best of Luck

You are committing adultery, and for the past 15 years you have all degraded and put your marriages last for your own selfish pleasures. I know people say its ‘okay’ if noone gets hurt, but in the end someone always gets hurt because you are doing the wrong thing.

I dont think continuing the friendship or having anything to do with this couple is an option. Save your marriage. Go to counselling and remember and rekindle the first love you had with your husband, the man you married and promised to love, honour and cherish and be faithful to. You CAN have a wonderful, fulfilling and amazing marriage. It could be so amazing that you will wonder what you were thinking for the 15 years you were fooling around with this other couple. Your marriage could be the most special bond you have ever created with another human being. And heres the BUT - its going to take a heck of a lot of work. You will need lots of counselling with your husband and you both will need endless patience, good will and love to get you through.

Dont throw away your marriage. Just dont. Call a counsellor right away and get on the track to creating a fulfilling relationship with your husband.

So the first thing I have to admit is that there was an immediate judgemental response - bad Jane.  Look out for the rest of the reponses, because people will judge.

I think the first thing to do is stop the sex.  No matter what people say, I don’t think they can have regular sex without becoming emotionally connected - not women anyways.  And I think still being physically connected to these people will cloud your judgement.

You need to honest - and if you can’t be honest with the other three then be honest with yourself and see a counsellor.  I fully advocate time with a counsellor - helps acheive a clarity that you sometimes just don’t get on your own.

It’s going to be hard to sort your own head and heart and it will take time.  I hope you all do ok.

I’m not touching this one with a 10 foot pole.

You need to think very carefully about what you need and what you feel. Are you unhappy with your husband? Are there fundamental problems in your marriage? You need to have a good think about why you ‘need’ to be with your lover.

Don’t leave the marriage on the expectation that you will be with your lover, that’s not fair to any of you and is an unrealistic expectation. I firmly believe that one shouldn’t leave a relationship because of a perception that another one is better, one should leave because the failings in the existing relationship means one would prefer to be alone.

I suggest that you take a step back, and stop the physical external relationship for a start. Then talk to your husband as openly as you can and work out a way to keep your marriage strong.

You need to work out what you want - to continue swapping, to stay with your husband, or to be on your own - and find ways of achieving that.

My 2 cents, or maybe only a ha’penny.

I just hope there aren’t any kids involved - and if there are, who do they belong to???

Jeepers! I’ve read today’s articles...and my mind boggles....My question is - do the people in these situations have anything else in their lives to think about apart from pleasures of the flesh? I would be loathe to embark on such journeys for the worry of all the complications they would bring! Things are complicated enough without adding to the tangled web.....

I too, would be very interested to understand the how’s and why’s of this scenario - and whether it was entered into with any of these ramifications in mind.

Each to their own and yes the whole swinging thing may be wrong, it has better than having a spouse or partner cheating behind your back.  At least you know what you are in for.

You need to sit down with your husband and see if this situation is one that you would like to still be in.  You also need to see how your relationship is holding up.  After 15 years, situations changes, people change, and emotions change.  So, sit down, think it through and then work it through.

Oh dear, 1st it was, how many partners are to many, now its how many bodies in the same bed, and should I feel guilt, leave him, meet her, I am just glad its not happening to the poor guy who still lives at home with mum and dad, now that would either be a psychologists dream or nightmare…
Maybe I should think long and hard about my shoe buying habits and drop bossy a line - I think have replaced men with shoes!

I am so glad that I am from another planet. If you have been doing this for 15 years I have to ask - are there any children involved? Not very helpful, but this sort of thing doesnt happen on my planet.

This happened to me 8 years ago and it all ended in tears....

Seriously people who get into these things must surely see it coming! Two person relationships can be complicated enough.

I’ve done all sorts of things in my life, some good, some bad, and some utter tragedies.  I’ve starved and lived on park benches.  I’ve done more things than most people.

But I’ve never been in the situation you find yourself in.  I have to ask, why did you think this would be a good idea?  Did you not know about the green eyed monster?  Did you not learn about respecting yourself?  Did you not think of asking if your Mum would think it’s a good idea?

You’re in this one up to your ears, and guess what?  You’re going to have to get yourself out of it.  And for being so bloody stupid in the first place, you deserve to cop it.

Polyamory - go research this concept.  It can work.

this whole topic must be understood to be accepted.Swinging is not for everyone.
My partner and i are very much in love and we have been swinging for about 4 years. We have a lot of fun. My partner is very bi and the enjoyment and pleasure we share is amazing. its all about fun and hours of it !!!!!

Unless you’ve been there i don’t think you have the right to judge. i have had a great threesome relationship with my best friends for more than 12 months. we set the ground rules first, we are all consenting adults and it is fun. if i hadn’t enetered into this arrangement i would never have taken my lesbian fantasies to the next level. all you need to be able to do is seperate the sex from emotion and enjoy it. animals do it all the time.

This went on for 15 years and only came to a head now!!!  Unbelievable.

I am going to assume that both couples have no kids?  Can you imagine if there are kids involved after 15 years of wife swapping!!!  You’ll be wondering who’s the father.

I agree with the comments.  Stop seeing the other couple.  Be honest and tell your husband about your feeling for the other man.  Then either save your marriage or get a divorce.  It is clear to me that you were never committed to your marriage or your husband if you were ok with wife swapping ... and for 15 years.

It ain’t the pre marital sex that one should worry about.

It’s the extra marital sex that causes all the problems.

this isn’t some movie where he’s gonna come around. the longer u stay with this other bloke, the more it’s gonna hurt in the long run.

get out cause ur under he’s spell

Thank you everyone for you comments re my predicament! I knew there would be considerable distaste for what we have been doing. We have been friends with these people since we were all teenagers, the husbands since they were at primary school. There is no way that we would ever end our friendship, we have too much history between us just to throw it all away. We are god parents to each others kids. All our kids belong to their respective parents. We have had many discussions and set ground rules on how to manage things but there are always variables to consider. I think I will heed the advice of some and get myself some conselling. Thanks.