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30 April
Monday

Mad Men Episode 507: The Fairly CodParents

This week’s Mad Men episode, “At The Codfish Ball” (titled after Captain Hook’s screams) featured not only a return appearance by grown-up Alex Mack, now a series regular, but also her character’s father, who just so happened to be Leland Palmer, the relentlessly-f***ed-up father from Twin Peaks (aka actor Ray Wise).

Needless to say, anyone who’s watched Twin Peaks had the same semi-shocked reaction last night:

I’ve enjoyed pretty much every episode of this Mad Men season so far, and this week’s episode was no different, highlighting one of the aspects of Mad Men that the series does particularly (and unfortunately) well: Showing the characters’ unparallelled abilities to find a reason to be depressed in the midst of complete joy.

We have four concurrent, happy-turned-depressing stories:

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30 April
Monday

The 10 Best Local Commercials In New York History

I remember when I was in college, I visited New York City and one of the things on my to-do list was to watch an episode of The Robin Byrd Show, the famous local-access show that was parodied on SNL. I wanted to know everything about being a “REAL” New Yorker, and apparently, watching this show was an important piece of that puzzle. But to all of you aspiring New Yorkers, let me advise you, don’t be like me. Late night cable access is not where it’s at anymore. What makes you a true New Yorker is an obsessive knowledge of our local commercials. Our local cable station, NY1 (and its glorious morning anchor Pat Kiernan) do a great job of running some real classics, and we’ve picked our favorites through the years so you can get acquainted with what to expect when you move into your new apartment in SqaViNetA (that’s the new, hot neighborhood, it stands for the Squatters Village In Nets Arena).

10. Grand Prospect Hall

The Grand Prospect Hall. This is the mother of all New York television spots. Trust me when I say that all New Yorkers are conditioned to say “The Gran’ Prospeh Hall…We make you dreams cahm true!” the instant that Vivaldi starts playing.

9. Raymour & Flanigan

My only goal in life, other than to be a world-famous blogger of local TV commercials, is to sing in a local TV commercial. Specifically, I want to be one of the “Oh..Oh” singers in the Raymour And Flanigan spot.

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30 April
Monday

Game Of Thrones Recap: The Kids In The Harrenhal

It’s Game Of Thrones Season 2, episode 5 entitled “The Ghost of Harrenhal”. Will this version of “Ghost” involve two lovers spinning pottery together then a rat tunneling through the pot and into the couples’ stomachs? You’ll have to read on to find out. Nahh, I can tell you now: It literally does!

We pick up right where the last episode left off, with the show’s magical element jumping from “omens, prophetic dreams and unlikely powers” to “witch lady giving birth to magical shadowy deathmonster”. Needless to say, Stannis’ closest companion Davos is still shaken up by the unusual birth he witnessed, and confesses his doubts about Melisandre’s intentions to his lord:

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27 April
Friday

10 New Photos Of Downton Abbey SEASON THREE!

Here are 10 new photos of the cast of Downton Abbey filming Season 3, slated to air in England this coming September (and on PBS in January of 2013). The photos are somewhat mundane, but we know how absurd Season 2 of the show got, so we can only assume that they’re actually photos of EVEN CRAZIER STUFF happening that we just don’t know yet.

Here are the 10 Downton Abbey Season 3 photos, along with our educated guesses of what is probably happening:

1.

OH MY GOD IT’S CARSON! Where is he walking? To Downton Abbey to arrange silverware? To a new RIVAL Abbey, UPTON Abbey? Or he’s dead and his spirit is returning to haunt Thomas for using the incorrect livery for Tuesday night soup with a young up-and-coming politician named WINSTON CHURCHILL?

2.

The entire Third Season is filmed first-person from Lord Grantham’s perspective, and this is everyone smiling at him.

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25 April
Wednesday

Life Imitates Seinfeld: Dead Whale Found With Golf Ball In Its Stomach

Seinfeld, the infamous “Show about cautioning people against hitting golf balls into the ocean,” apparently didn’t serve as a cautionary tale, as a dead whale was just discovered in the Puget Sound with a golf ball in its stomach:

A gray whale found dead in Washington state’s Puget Sound had been feeding on shrimp and also had some debris, including a golf ball, in its stomach, but scientists don’t know what killed the animal.

I think we ALL know what killed the animal: SOMMMMMEEEEBODDDYYYYY was wailing golf balls out into the ocean, and when the suffocating whale washed ashore, they couldn’t get a REAL marine biologist there in time. Open and shut case.

The garbage was minimal and not the cause of death, which remains under investigation with tissue tests, spokesman Brian Gorman said. It’s common for whales to pick up debris near urban areas because they are filter feeders. There were no signs of trauma or entanglement on the whale, he said.

Be quiet, SCIENCE, we all know what really happened here. What are you, a Veronica’s Closet fan?

(via @michcoll)

25 April
Wednesday

Check Out The Original Sketch Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…Or Is It?!?!? (It Is)

What is reportedly the first sketch of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by one of their co-creators Kevin Eastman is currently up for auction, if you happen to have a minimum of $6,000 available your turtle-related artwork budget. Eastman reportedly drew it in 1983 “to make fellow creator Peter Laird laugh,” I’m assuming at their little gross tails.

While we should all treat this drawing with the reverence normally reserved for the skeletons of saints (Except for those tails! Lol!), knowing what Michael Bay is about to do to them, we have to wonder if there wasn’t some even more ancient rough draft of the gang, if you go back far enough…

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25 April
Wednesday

Barack Obama Slow Jams The News With Jimmy Fallon

Here’s a video of Barack Obama appearing on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon Tuesday night and partaking in their “Slow Jam The News” segment. It’s mostly just Obama’s spoken-word explanation of his current stance on student loan rates while Jimmy and The Roots do most of the ‘jamming,’ but the fact that a president is partaking in a segment entitled “Slow Jam The News” and it’s harmlessly funny and endearing rather than unbearably awkward shows us just how far we’ve come since the days of James K. Polk (don’t get me started on that guy’s slow-jamming abilities.)

Also, whoever’s booking the guests for Fallon, you just got hyper-promoted. You now run NBC, actually. Congratsorry!!!

Take it away, supergroup you definitely thought you’d see someday:

(Via The LNJF Blog)

23 April
Monday

Commentary: HBO’s Girls Is Not A Show About Velociraptors

Every website on the internet has posted some sort of detailed reaction to the new HBO series Girls – I just finished reading the ones on Askjeeves.com, Whitehouse.gov, The Will & Grace Fanfic Geocities site, and the Wikipedia page for “Charlemagne” – and I had originally planned to write my own, but foolishly, I decided to wait until more than one episode of the series aired before launching into a lengthy, passionate diatribe about the show’s cultural implications.

After the second episode aired, I was preparing to gather my thoughts into an unnecessarily verbose piece about the thirty-minute comedy, but unfortunately, every conceivable argument that anyone could possibly make about the show has already been taken: Girls is a refreshingly honest triumph, Girls is a glorified paean to privilege, Girls is a gender breakthrough, Girls patronizes the gender, the gender is irrelevant to Girls, Girls proves that girls are just as funny and gross as guys, any arguments that Girls “proves” anything about the funnyness of girls is a patronizing implicit endorsement of the “girls aren’t funny” archetype, backlash towards Girls, backlash towards the backlash of Girls, frontlash towards the backlash of Girls, sidewayslash to the frontlash of Girls that doesn’t endorse the backlash towards the backlash-lash, and so on, including the numerous lengthy, phenomenally well-written passionate pieces arguing that the mere existence of all these lengthy passionate pieces about Girls misses the point entirely.

After scouring the internet nonstop for the past week, I’ve confirmed that there is only one argument in the entire English language that hasn’t been made yet about the show Girls, so it’s the only argument I’m left with to make here:

HBO’s Girls is not a show about velociraptors.

Here are three incontrovertible reasons why the show Girls is not actually a show about velociraptors – please feel free to argue away in the comments, and don’t forget to Facebook and Tweet this post so we can continue arguing about this thirty-minute HBO comedy that’s aired for two episodes:

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23 April
Monday

Game Of Thrones Recap: Smmmmmmokin!

It’s Game Of Thrones Season 2, Episode 4 entitled “Garden Of Bones,” which may end up referring to actual human remains, boners, or some combination therein (graphic scene of skeletons f***ing each other in a garden that’s also f***ing another garden). This week’s episode set a new television record for “Most Scenes You’re Ready For Them To Cut Away From,” breaking the previous mark of 7, set in 1966 by an uncharacteristically violent episode of F-Troop.

We open Cringefest 2K12 (that K is getting rat-tortured by the 12) with Robb Stark scoring a dominant battle victory over a Lannister force using the classic “I think I hear something / I’m not falling for that” battle tactic straight out of the “Jason Voorhees” chapter of The Art Of War. The following morning, we cut to a guard with his intestines torn out by a direwolf (also the image on every Game Of Thrones subway poster, oddly), and Robb celebrates the victory with his exuberant bannerman:

The bannerman suggests that Robb torture the remaining prisoners for information, but Robb insists that he DRAWS THE LINE at having mythical wolves rip out their intestines. Robb’s mind is somewhat elsewhere, though, when he becomes infatuated by a battle surgeon with a heart of gold, who manages to be onscreen for an astonishing two minutes without getting naked:

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23 April
Monday

Mad Men Open Thread: Road Tripping

Last night’s episode of Mad Men (Episode 506, entitled “Far Away Places”) was exceptionally bizarre and merits BWEscussion, but since Michelle isn’t here anymore, and because I only have so much RECAP MARROW I can give, let’s discuss last night’s trippy events in an Open Thread, since we really enjoy everyone’s comments on the Walking Dead & Game Of Thrones Recaps.

We’ve got three plotlines occurring simultaneously but playing out in succession, in a sort of “Run Mad Men Run” experimental format (Matthew Weiner says in the AMC “Inside The Episode” that the structure was modeled after a Max Ophüls anthologized French film, but “Run Mad Men Run” is fun to say). We’ve got:

Plot 1: Peggy flips out during her Heinz presentation (I like that the Heinz guy was instantly offended; on a lesser show, he would’ve pulled the “I have never in my life been so…IMPRESSED!!!! Here’s $9 billion ketchup buckz!!!”), then she gets high and gives a stranger a handjob, in a scene right out of the 60s anti-weed educational film “The Grass Isn’t Groovier On The Other DIED.”

Plot 2: Roger and Jane experiment with LSD, revealing Roger’s ultimate truth: That his relationship with Jane is over, and that he constantly wishes for Don to be behind him in the mirror at all times. Time for Roger and Joanie to finally start a functional relationship? DEAR LORD.

Plot 3: Don semi-forces Megan to accompany him upstate to the flagship Howard Johnson’s, leading to the most passive-aggressive sherbet-eating scene in television history. After Megan’s squeals of fake-delight, a nearby woman goes “I’ll have the sherbet she’s having” and the camera zooms in on a young Rob Reiner rubbing his chin.

So, Mad Men Episode 506 thoughts? Favorite / least favorite parts? Reactions to Peggy’s promiscuity and Don’s recurring dysfunctionality, or desires to drop LSD with Roger Sterling? Predictions for the rest of the season? Leave ‘em in the comments.