"Blitz" Games That Will Never Be Made

Soccer is a huge sport on the international market, but giving it the Blitz treatment wouldn't work for a variety of reasons. Fast-paced arcade games rely on lots of scoring and lots of turnovers to keep things interesting, and soccer can't really deliver that. It's telling that one of the most popular soccer video games of all time is called Sensible Soccer, which is pretty much the antithesis of the Blitz formula. So we wouldn't expect footy to get a game anytime soon, unless you play as a drunken, brawling fan.

On the surface, the game of polo seems like it might lend itself well to a cracked-out arcade experience. Four-man teams, each riding a horse and armed with a mallet, try to knock a ball into their opponent's goal. With plenty of action and built-in weapons, it looks like a Blitz game waiting to happen. But there's just one problem: nobody wants to play a video game where you hit a horse in the face with a hammer. We like horses too much. If you took the horses out of the equation and just had dudes hitting each other with sticks - well, you'd have hockey. And that's fine.

Let's just be honest with each other here: no matter how many skanky broads Tiger Woods bangs, the sport of golf is going to be an activity for old men until the end of time. Bad fashion, slow-paced play and no interaction between players aside from trash-talking at the tee (and even that's frowned upon) make for a game that's not very Blitzworthy. People have tried to make more arcade-style golf games, usually with over-the-top characters and special moves, but at the end of the day you're still putting a little white ball into a hole in the ground.

Figure Skating - you know, the "sport" for girls. Nobody's denigrating the amazing physical condition that figure skaters have to be in, but let's be frank: watching dweebs spin around to lousy music doesn't become magical just because there's ice under their feet. Figure skating is one of the least Blitz-style sports there is - competitors never share the ice, for one thing, removing the possibility of enraged throat-slittings. I'm sure you could do some fruity Kinect game, but it wouldn't be the same.