Clothes shopping for your kids, with your kids; do you do it or would you rather just punch yourself in the face and then pour habanero sauce in your eyes? Personally, I think that although shopping with them is much less fun than going to the water park, it’s definitely more fun than missing most of a movie because one of them is puking from too much junk food. I see shopping with kids as having the potential to be a fun family activity. Notice I said that it has POTENTIAL, there are no guarantees.

As parents, we are always trying to find ways to teach kids about money, manners and developing their own fashion mojo. Therefore, I see taking kiddos clothes shopping as the perfect opportunity to tackle all three of these things at once. Sure, it could turn into a hellish adventure that is recorded by surveillance cameras and played over and over on the evening news and YouTube while you ignore repeated calls from friends, family and random neighbors asking if that was YOUR kid they saw terrorizing the security guards while running around the clothing racks half naked. What I’m suggesting is that since there are never any guarantees when it comes to anything that has to do with kids, you might as well give it a shot.

Shopping is truly an important and necessary part of life, so taking kids shopping is the only way to teach them how to do it. It chaps my cheap-ass when my kids complain about the clothing I choose for them, but then refuse to participate in the selection of said clothing. No matter the age, most kids have strong preferences when it comes to their clothing, whether it has to do with form or function. They need to do this. We need to let them. Even if it hurts, and believe me, it can. Therefore, I have some musts when I shop with my kids in attempts to create an atmosphere of marvelously magical memories and learning opportunities as opposed to manufacturing maniacal mall mayhem resulting in mug shots.

The first must is to have an itinerary. The where, why, what and how ARE critical. The potential for amok-ness with kids in a crowded mall is unlimited. However, because my kids are prone to not only ignoring everything I say, but also forgetting the stuff they didn’t ignore in the first place, I give them a reason to listen more carefully. Once this is squared away, I move onto the threats and bribes that I’m sure to need in order to execute my perfectly planned family wardrobe-stocking adventure, and no, I’m not kidding. I use threats AND bribes, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Threats and bribes are two of the most important weapons in the parent arsenal. Once everyone knows the plan, there’s no excuse for half-naked kids getting lost in clothing racks. First up is the threat: Uncooperative jerk-like behavior will most certainly result in the kind of privilege and technology restrictions that will make them feel like they are acting out a scene from “Abe Lincoln: The Early Years.” They know I’ll follow through. I also like to pair a nice juicy threat with beautiful bribe, another powerful motivator!

Bribes are only THE most important weapon any parent in the history of all parenting EVER! A good bribe goes a long way. Here’s an example; IF you don’t act like a whiny, rotten jackwagon, THEN you will get a little something. Works every time for my kids, because accumulating things makes them feel powerful. I encourage them to bring their own money as well so they can see how fast their hard-earned money actually goes. Yes, it’s important to strategize, because without a plan, none of us stand a chance of civilizing these wild beasts. There is just too much to teach them and so much distracting them from learning. The plan, threats and bribes keep us all nice and focused. Everybody wins.

I suggest that you just do it. JUST DO IT! I’ve done it and lived to tell the tale. You can do it too! Throw all caution to the wind and take your kids clothes shopping!  Kids are constantly growing out of their clothes along with constantly needing to be entertained, encouraged, empowered and educated. This is one of the easiest ways to encourage independence in your kids, while reinforcing all the values and behaviors you are working so hard to instill in them. It’s really a no-brainer.  You have to do it anyway, all of it. When raising kids, there are always opportunities to teach as well as to have fun. Why not combine the two? The potential is as unlimited as the security cameras that will at least offer photographic proof that you did your best despite the video documenting your half naked kid knocking down mannequins like bowling pins (that could POTENTIALLY get 100,000 hits on YouTube).

Nicole Knepper is an over-educated, opinionated, tenderhearted mother of two who has a potty mouth and a bleeding heart. Read more of her musings at Moms Who Drink and Swear.