Ask Bossy

Dear Bossy: I have my 34 year old stepson (wife’s son) and his 8 year old son (our grandson) living with us. I am fighting with my wife about this and I am ready to leave. We all get along fine, but here is the rub.

He was married and running a business. That went under and after they lost their house, they all 3 moved in with us 3 years ago. They got divorced 2 years ago and he has the son. They have a big dog that has decided he wants our attention more than he gets from them. I have let them have the lower part of my house which includes the family room, bedroom and bathroom. Since he moved in between their dog and him the downstairs is trashed. He has use of the kitchen, the laundry room, the pool.

Here is where I get mad.

He doesn’t help with any money. He does get his own food. He pays us $20.00 month for half the t.v cable.His dog has killed our once nice lawn in the back with his acidic urine. It has been 8 months since he has even picked up his dogs poop. This is a big issue with me. I end up doing that.  I have asked him repeatly to pick up the dog poop.  To no avail. He does’nt put his dishes in the dishwasher. When he does laundry, he seldem takes them out that day. We do. He leaves most of the lights on and tends to leave some doors open in the winter.

He tends to take very long showers in the morning and use up the hot water. He does’nt help with any yard work, and has no trouble dumping raw garbage in the trash.  As I said, he does not contribute to any bills other than his own personal bills.. He bowls 3 times a week and can afford video games for his son and him. We have a pool they use , but no help with cleanup.

My wife has repeatly told him to pick up after himself, but she won’t put her foot down. I will not make war with him and destroy my relationship with my wife. I am frustrated. I am 60 years old and I want my house back.
.
What would you suggest? He is never going to move out. Should I?

Continue reading 'How do I get rid of this freeloader?'

Dear Bossy: I have been with my current partner for 5 months and although he is a great guy in many ways but I really would like your help on how to tackle this issue.

The problem is that my partner has an unappealing smell/taste in his mouth that stops me from kissing him. Both of us do like kissing, however it’s the taste and smell that puts me off. He brought up the subject of more kissing a few weeks ago, and I told him (as tactfully as I could) why I couldn’t kiss him.

I think he was quite shocked and we didn?t kiss or have sex for about 3 weeks. I asked him what was going on, and he told me that he was a bit more self conscious after what I had said. I must mention that he has bad teeth, with holes that need to be fixed, however he refuses to go to the dentist.  Nothing has changed and the smell and taste are still there.

Continue reading 'What to I do about my boyfriend’s bad breath?'

Dear Bossy: Last year, “Jake” & I decided we’d be F*** Buddies, it worked well for us for about 10 months, no strings, no attachment, just lots of fun. “Jake” (apparently) met a girl and they started dating which meant our arrangement was over. I was fine & happy for him..

Fast forward 5 months and his gf has gone o/s for 3 months and before she was even on the plane he called me up for a booty call. I refused, telling him I do NOT sleep with guys who have gf’s. He replied “how do you know we haven’t agreed to be single for 3 months?”

It just doesn’t sit right with me. I’ve known him for many years & he’s always been honest & faithful to gfs and now there’s a complete change in him - he’s ok to sleep with someone even though he’s in a relationship with someone else. That’s definitely not the guy I used to know.
I’m not going to be his booty call but I am worried about this sudden change in his morals. I know he smokes pot & does coke a few times a year, and he does drink alcohol daily and I’m wondering if this is starting to affect him. But on the other hand, he’ll be turning 30 this year so maybe he’s having some type of 1/3 life crisis.

It’s very confusing & I’m just not sure what to think or to say to him. Can you give me any insight into why he’d be acting this way? I know sudden changes in behaviour can be a red flag for some diseases but I’m not sure if a change in morals counts?

Continue reading 'The day my bonk buddy turned bad'

Dear Bossy: I have a new housemate who I think has feeling for me. I’m not too great at reading the signs and I just want us to have a good house sharing experience so don’t want it to be anything more than friendship. There are numerous reasons I believe she may like me. I’ll give you some examples.

Although we have only met recently she feels OK to play with my hair or tickle me or lean on my legs while watching TV.

She is foreign and asked me to say some things in her language to see how my pronunciation was. When I asked what I had said it was things such as “ I like you”, “you’re beautiful” etc.

She wants to spend allot of time with me, if I go out to do something basic she always asks how long will you be or wants to come with me. She always asks what days I’m working and what time I think I’ll be back from work. She sometimes phones or texts to ask when I’ll be back.

When driving once she felt the need to put her hand on my shoulder reassuringly like a girlfriend would do as a sign of affection. On the same drive she asked me if I had a girlfriend, I told her no. We where pretending to be a couple to the estate agents when getting a place and she with a huge smile on her face said she though she was my girlfriend. She was then asking what type of girls I like etc.
When ever the subject of us pretending to be a couple comes up she gets a big smile and makes a comment about it.

She constantly smiles at me, always. Once I fell asleep on the couch, when I woke up she saw me or was looking at me and had a huge smile on her face.
She seems very interested in me and wants to know everything about me down to what my favourite colour is.

When she went out for a cigarette I told her jokingly to think about me. She smiled and said she would, then came back in a second later and asked was it important she thought about me, I said yes. Later she wanted to know why I wanted her to. I didn’t give a reason as I was just flirting but she told me there must be a reason why I wanted her to think of me. Most people would let it go and not give it much thought unless they wanted there to be a reason.

When we walk we seem to walk very close and brush up against each other.

She was teasing me and called me her ‘baby’.

When we first moved in before I bought my bed she wanted me to sleep in her bed with her. I didn’t as I felt uncomfortable doing it even though she was very insistent. The next day I still hadn’t got one and again she told me to not be silly and sleep in the bed with her. I did this time, nothing happened but when i got up to get water she called and asked if I was OK and asked me to come back to bed, with a big smile on her face when I did. At some point half asleep I said her name to get her attention then went back to sleep. She brought it up the next day and told me how sweet it was.
Everything I do is ‘so sweet’ down to buying chutney or a bath mat?

she constantly is bringing little treats back for me back from work or wherever she has been.

There are many little things, and comments here and there that I could go on about. Her whole way of talking to me, looking at me and general body language makes me think she likes me. She is much friendlier around me than other people we know including friends of hers she has known for a long time. All in all we haven’t known each other for very long and I find the way she acts around me more than just flirtatious. If we weren’t living together I would make a move as she is very attractive, however we do live together and I don’t think a relationship would be the best idea. That is if she does even like me and I’m not just imagining the whole thing. Thanks for your advice in advance.

Continue reading 'Should I pounce on my roomy?'

Dear Bossy: I am a 23-year-old single guy. I was in a three year relationship that ended quite badly about seven years ago, and have been single ever since (save for two-one-night stands). Part of me still being single is due to a lack of opportunity and potential partners, but the other half of me knows I have very much avoided being open to dating anyone. I also put on alot of weight in the four or five years after our break-up, so I realise that people who didn’t know me, were likely avoiding meeting me because of my unhealthy appearance. Happily I can report the weight has been lost and I am now healthy and relatively fit.

I was not an innocent party in the ending of the relationship and a central part was my fault. I cheated on my girlfriend after six months with her best friend, and then spent the next two and a half years avoiding the heat and denying all accusations put forward by her, to the point where I started to believe my own bull-crap. Eventually this wore us down, communication was lacking and the pressure and rumours became too much, and she broke up with me. It was quite sudden and communication was completely non-existent. She simply left my life overnight and the relationship, which formed such a part of my own 16-year-old identity, was lost - leaving me to deal with extreme loneliness and rightfully, my demons and guilt about the whole situation.

I have felt so much guilt towards myself ever since, because I’ve always held the strongest opinions about people who cheat on their partners. Suffice to say this opinion didn’t really change even after I had cheated on my ex, so I was my own worst critic.

About six months ago, I got in contact with my ex and admitted everything and sought her forgiveness - and this was offered by her, without hesitation. However it did little to allay my guilt and negative feelings towards my poor choices and actions throughout our relationship. I have sought counselling to help me to deal with this part of my life, and after seven years I have realised that one of my biggest fears was cheating on a new partner, and I have now developed ways to deal with this, including a list of steps to follow, to avoid getting into the same pattern of bad choices in the future. I am nervous about starting a new relationship but have the tools to assist me better, so am alot more open to the opportunity.

I just wanted your opinion on two things.

1. How do I explain being single for the last seven years, without going into great detail about my cheating in the first conversation and scaring them off?
2. And at what point is it appropriate for me to discuss my prior cheating? I feel if I don’t bring this up, then I am not being honest with them and that is an unstable foundation on which to build a relationship.

I don’t want to scare anyone away, but I also want to be up-front about my past. Where is the middle ground here and do you think I am being objective about the whole situation?

SingleForSeven

Continue reading 'When should I tell new girlfriends I cheated on my last?'

Dear Bossy: This year Hubbie and I will celebrate our 37th Wedding Anniversary. My problem is that H doesn’t believe that birthdays, Christmas or Anniversaries are a reason to spend money on presents. During our years together he has bought me 5 gifts and only then because my Sister or our Children have reminded him to do it.

I’m talking flowers (once), chocolates (twice) and small cheap tokens at other times. I have come to accept this and although it hurts when another special day passes without being acknowledged it hasn’t been a serious problem in our relationship.

However, 2 months ago in a general conversation about something we had seen on TV, he mentioned the “Compliance” gifts he had bought me. When I asked what he meant by that he replied that he only ever bought me something to keep himself out of the dog house or to get an extra special night in bed.

Bossy, I am gutted. I now feel “bought and paid for”. Those 5 times that I received something were all the more special to me because it happened so rarely. And now to find out that the gifts didn’t say “I love you, thanks for being you”. They were to keep himself out of trouble.

Since this comment I haven’t been the least bit interested in sex. My body has closed down and I am extremely hurt because we used to have an active sex life. I feel as though I am in mourning for something important that I have lost.

I have tried to talk to him about how hurt I am but he tells me I’m building a mountain out of a mole hill. I’ve tried to let my feeling of hurt go, but it just won’t go away and I need to get over this or my marriage won’t survive.

Deep down he is a good man. He just doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body. By the way to all other females out there…He reckons all guys treat presents as “compliance presents”. Now even when he offers to do the dishes I can’t accept because I feel like I will have to pay him in kind for his offer.

I would like to ask your male readers.Do you only buy your loved one a present to get a reward for yourself? Thanks for any advice you can give me as to how I can put this behind me.

Shattered.

Continue reading 'Do men buy presents just to get sex?'

Dear Bossy: I am not sure what to do with this fabulous man that’s come into my life. We are great friends. He’s funny and handsome, and warm, and considerate and everything is brilliant. He thinks I’m wonderful and beautiful. He is perfect, But at 43 I am 7 years older than him, and I have a grown up son with a child of his own.

The problem is it’s so good I don’t want to let it go. I am falling for him, and he is falling for me. But he wants kids and I don’t. I have considered it, but mine have just left home. I’m free for the first time in 20 years. I want to travel, have fun, stay up late, I have considered it. But I am a grandmother and it just feels trashy having a child younger than my grandson..People will gossip their stupid heads off. I also don’t know if I could do it all again, I have worked all my life and been a great mum but it’s my time back now, but he is beautful with kids, and he is so desperate to have one. I may not even be able to have any even if I decide I can do it for him.

I also feel like he finds me lovely now but there’s a big age difference and let’s face it, I won’t get any prettier. What if he starts realising there’s lots of really pretty women his own age out there while I’m withering into a big withered, withery thing as we speak.

But we make each other so happy.I’ve never been so happy. He’s happy. My family and friends love him.

What should I do. The more we see each other, the more we want to. We have tried breaking up and it was awful. We lasted a week. But the issues are big issues.

Should we end it now because it has no future?

Sad

Continue reading 'Is it wrong to stay with my younger boyfriend, if it means he can’t have kids?'

Dear Bossy: My wife and I have been married for five years and we have two beautiful children three years and 18 months.

Over the last month I have been coming home grumpy, trying to keep to myself that I have been afraid of being fired at work. That and the two kids has had her stressed. Also because I’ve been stressed I’ve been clingy and not been letting her out as much, but she does have all the daytime hours to her self (as she’s a stay at home mum).

So she has said that she thinks we should separate as she said “she feels she married too young”.

I’ve told her I’m willing to do absolutely anything to keep us together, she can go out.. But she still wants to separate.

I love my wife with all my heart and soul, she is my best friend and I will do anything to keep us together, I would tear the world apart for her. What can I do so we don’t split up.

Continue reading 'Did she marry too young?'

Dear Bossy: Okay. Quick facts.

Me – Married with kids (several years). Wife is my first gf. I would like to keep this relationship at all costs. Currently away on a business trip for multiple months on my own. Suffers from a bit of depression (a few years). Very vulnerable/frustrated.

Her – (not my wife) In a stable and appears to be in a loving relationship with a very nice guy for several years. Very generous person. Attractive (in my own eyes). Very comforting. Very similar to my wife in many aspects. (not the looks, but the personalities)

Yes, I am on a business trip overseas, and I haven’t seen my family for several weeks. While at work, I met this wonderful lady. She invited me and she showed me around the places with her partner. We also had meals together etc.

Actually, when she first invited me for that little tour, I noticed that her face turned all red. Before then, we spoke very little with each other, just on business only.

During the last get together, we had a few drinks and we opened up quite a bit. She started to share some of her private things, like her family history etc with me. I did end up sharing some of my private stories as well. Obviously, I felt very close to her after going through a session like that.

Then she asked whether I was getting lonely being here on my own. I admitted that I was a little lonely. I also said that what I missed the most were the embraces, the hugs and the kisses that I shared with my family. We talked about this for a few minutes and she promised she would give me ‘hugs and kisses’ when I leave her place.

While the whole conversation was taking place, her partner was present, but he was in and out of the room (and for the bulk of the time when we spent time talking about the private matters etc, he wasn’t there).

She then asked her partner to cook the meal. We ended up spending more time talking privately. Also, she showed some pictures. Some were very private and I had to look away, which I did. Then again, she only rushed a bit but didn’t make a great fuss. Thinking back, I am not too sure whether it wasn’t all intentional.

After going through the pictures, we went outside to the balcony. We thought the ground was wet, so we stood on a small piece of rug together, very closely. I am sure some parts of our bodies were touching (not intentionally) while we were talking out there.

She asked whether I wanted me to smoke. Initially, I said no. Then she asked whether I wanted to share a cigarette with her. Very casually. So we did. Do people share cigarettes? Oh, and this was the first time I’ve shared a cigarette with others. 

When we came back in, we were standing side by side and watched her partner cooking. Then she put her arm around me, around my waist and held me very firmly. I think I put my arm around her other arm. We were like that for 10-20 seconds, but we let go of each other before her partner noticed us holding each other.

Yes, she was quite drunk by then. I had a few drinks, but I knew what I was doing. Not sure whether she knew.

I am sure it was all just a very friendly gesture from her. I am sure it wasn’t a really big deal for her. Unfortunately, I feel very vulnerable. I also feel that I am getting very attracted to her. Obviously, all these friendly gestures are making me feel confused. At this very stage, I do not know what my true feelings are.

One thing that I know for sure is that I know I don’t want to lose my wife. I love my wife and I would like to be loyal to her for the rest of my life.

At the same time, I feel there is this desire to get to know this really nice lady. I would like to find out where it might lead us all. Right now, I am not sure whether I just need some maternal comfort from her or whether I need something more than just that.

What should I do? I know I can’t but I would like to have my cake and eat it too.

Depressed, vulnerable, confused and frustrated…

Continue reading 'I’m lonely for my wife: should I have an affair?'

Dear Bossy: My question is in regards to my possible arranged marriage.  As the eldest daughter in our family, I agreed to consider an arranged marriage, to appease my parents.  This is not forced on me, I have the right to decline, should I not find the “match” to my liking.  I let them go ahead and contact the matchmaker, thinking all along I would never go along with it.

They would be happy, that I tried entering marriage their way, and I would decline and enter marriage my way: first finding love and then marrying. I did not expect to find myself actually considering the man the matchmaker chose for me.

We have been through the initial introduction process, and now have been left on our own to decide if we will both consent to the marriage.  I have not met him, as he does not live here.  Our introductions have been made over email and telephone conversations.

Living in different countries, it is possible that if we both consent to this marriage that our first meeting will be on our wedding day, which scares me.  I am a sensible and careful person, why am I even considering this?  I do not make decisions flippantly, nor do I think marriage is the end all and be all.  I’m just a little taken aback that I am interested in him.  What I know of him, I find very attractive. My match tells me he is pleasantly surprised by me too. We both want to know everything we possibly can about each other so that there we can make as an informed decision as possible. It is the biggest decision of one’s life! It determines who you will become!

As we get to know each other over long distance, what are the questions and concerns we should address, being relative strangers?
Have any of your readers had an arranged marriage and what were their experiences and what advice would they give?
Thanks. R.

Continue reading 'Should I marry a man I’ve never met?'

Dear Bossy: More than likely you will bin this email or add it to the Fruit Cake Friday. I don’t care. I just want to know what people think.

I have read similar readers send emails to you like this before but this time I think things need to be updated.

I am an early 20’s, educated guy living in Sydney.  I am not a fat slob, computer nerd, fully hectic habib, or a fitness freak that just stands in front of the mirror all day flexing muscles.  I would consider myself as a well balanced person. Those close and far to me say the same.  I’m also someone that holds doors open, pulls out chairs, and all that biz. I work in an office and on weekends I’m usually muddier than most.

Basically I’m the type of guy to go with the flow, but I am not a follower. I don’t have to follow the flock because its cool.

Enough about me. Heres the problem that’s really annoyed me..  HARD. I know I speak on behalf of other guys my age and older and younger.

I have no respect for the female gene pool anymore.  I am up to my eyes in the b.s. that women chuck out at young blokes like me.  Think of a Sydney water broken sewerage line?  That’s a woman.  The vile slime just keeps pouring out and making guys (and some girls sick).  It’s not something that I just woke up feeling one day. It’s a result of at least 4 years of an attempt to increase population in my social life.  I’m not looking for the girl of my dreams to marry tomorrow, I’m just looking for a few more females in my social life.  I know plenty of guys, most older, who are all getting married, sooner or later. 

I go out, with different people. I hang out in different places, and all types of things.  People who know me, know me as someone fun to be around and someone who they can trust with their life.  I’m no angel either as I do have my bad points.  But in the scope of the world, my bad points aren’t that bad to drive people away.

The problem is that it just seems that women, say aged between 19-24 have SERIOUS attitude problems. And I think I can sum it up in the creed of females:

The whole world revolves around us

No guy can have a genuine interest in them without wanting to get in their pants

I would never get in a car with a guy unless it’s a 2007 Ferrari 599 GTB

So it’s ok for girls to make assumptions about guys, but when someone like me makes an assumption about a girl that she’s “really a nice girl” then they interpret it as “you dirty mongrel… you’re really saying how fat I look in these clothes, aren’t you?”

That’s all that girls are like these days.  Guys simply aren’t good enough for them.  Does this mean that the future population will just be a big pool of lesbians? Or is it that girls really are a superior race which is purely on this planet for the sole purpose of helping fashion companies achieve a higher revenue?

So why do I think this problem really isn’t me?  Because on the rare occasions I meet girls in a social environment i.e. clubs, parties, etc, the common line is “oh if I was only 5 years younger...” or “if I wasn’t engaged or have a boyfriend or married....”

Your readers input would be much appreciated.

Regards
Annoyed

Continue reading 'Why are today’s young women such a waste of space?'

Dear Bossy: About four months ago I went to stay at a friends as I had no where to stay. A female friend of his flatmate was also there and we where both looking for a place to stay so she asked me whether I would like to look for a place with her. She seemed ok so we began looking together.

Over the next three weeks we spent alot of time together finding a place to look for and moving in etc. To begin with although she was pretty I had little interest in her romantically and would not have wanted anything to happen anyway as we would be living together. However I could not help but feel she liked me and over those first weeks felt it more and more.

I have never, ever been so sure someone liked me. Usually I am very guarded in that respect and wont believe a girl likes me even if it is obvious. With her I had no doubt in my mind. It’s hard to put across in words but there was strong body language, obvious flirting and comments and a very strong gut feeling. I stupidly began to fall for her and had convinced myself we where going to be together and it was a set thing.

When we moved in together she continued to be over friendly, she would constantly ask when I would be back or want to come with me to do things even if i was just going shop. I began to flirt back where before I had tried not to respond and one drunken friday texted her to say “I missed her smile”. From then she was suddenly very different and eventually I asked her and she told me she felt maybe I liked her so she had backed off. I was heart broken and completely confused and it ended in a blazing row.

From then on it continued to be very weird between us. I tried to be friendly but she would stay in her room constantly and very rarely come sit in the front room and be sociable. To go from so friendly to so unsociable was hard for me to deal with. One night a friend of hers stayed over and I mistook it for a guy she was with. Admitidly I acted childishly and like a bit of an idiot but it upset me a lot and I freaked out a bit. It led to another ‘talk’ and again things continued to be very stale between us.

It has been three months since we moved in and I can’t take this anymore. I gave her the one bedroom before we moved in trying to be the gentleman so I sleep on the sofabed in the front room. I now spend the whole time at home sat in the front room by myself while she sits in front of the computer in hers.

It’s like we’re in two different flats and it’s very depressing. I really wanted this to work and believed we would get along and become friends. It feels like I live by myself which is very lonely for me and not what I wanted. When she got a tv for her room despite not wanting one when we first moved in because it would be ‘antisocial’ we had another argument. She told me she only thought of me as a flat mate and we would never be friends. She would never be sociable with me or even sit and chat sometimes and wanted me to have nothing to do with her life outside of home.

It would be perfectly fair of anyone to feel this way if it wasn’t for the way she was with me at the beginning. Her not liking me is confusing enough but if she doesn’t even like me as a friend then what the hell!! Iv’e tried to reconnect with her so many times in the hope we could go back to being friends but this was just a massive slap in the face.

I decided I can’t take it anymore, the loneliness of living here and not being able to stop having feelings for her is driving me insane so I decided to move out. However the landlord will not let me move out until the contract is up in 9 months!

I guess I just wondered what you’re take on the situation was and could help me understand what the hell is up with her and why she would act the way she did to begin with. The whole thing has me very depressed and I’m finding it very hard to deal with.

She’s also made it very obvious she doesn’t have feelings for me so it’s not that she secretly likes me, I also now know she’s ‘been’ with guys since I’ve known her and it annoyingly makes me so jealous and sick. I really don’t think anyone would act the way she did unless they like them as there was more to it then just flirting.

Any advice or help you can give me would be appreciated.

Confused and heartbroken

Continue reading 'I made a pass at my flatmate. Now there’s trouble'

Dear Bossy: A couple of years ago I broke up with a man who I lived with for 18 months. During that time, I discovered in our house a collection of tapes he’d filmed of his exes having sex with him, and they were all obviously completely unaware they were being filmed. I asked him about it, and he said he had a remote control for his video camera and that it was really easy to just flick it on without them noticing. I broke up with him about a month after this, there were a lot of problems in the relationship and this was the last straw for me.

Now I’ve become friendly with one of his exes, who I didn’t know at the time, and who I know he secretly taped. She’s quite young, in her mid-20s, and she’s an incredibly sweet and trusting person. I feel so guilty knowing that he has this tape of her, and I’m wondering what I should do. I know he shows the tapes to the girls he’s seeing, he told me that some women have enjoyed watching them with him. It’s possible he has one or more of me, I never consented to anything and searched high and low before I ended it with him, but I know he’s very sneaky so there might be something I missed.

Long story short- what should I do? And what are the legal ramifications of this? I’m a mother now and don’t want a tape like that out there. I also don’t want my friend to be hurt knowing that he has a tape that she can’t do anything about.

Please help.Camera-Shy

Continue reading 'I think he taped us having sex. What can I do?'

Dear Bossy: I am a 60 year old woman, recently widowed.  My late husband had no respect for me and was abusive.  When he was still living, the last time he touched me for married sex, he deliberately crushed and pulled my breasts; I should have stopped him there and then, but I was caught by surprise and suffered painfully during that last time.

From that time on , I never allowed him to touch me again and I avoided him like a leper.  Now that he is gone, I am left with a little bit of money.

I have no more plans to get married again but everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I am filled with anger at seeing my breast sagging to my waist.  I have not told my GP what happened to me for fear of embarassment or humiliation.

I am hesitant to tell my GP and ask if I can correct this through plastic surgery, because people might think that at my age (being already old), I should not care anymore and I don’t want to be labelled as being vain. I strongly feel though that my deceased husband should pay for what he did to me and therefore, I should spend some of the money left to me to correct this ugly deformity he left me with.

Everytime I see my body, I feel anger and disgust at the ugly sight of my breast.  If you think , this is right that I should have corrective surgery to lift my breast to its original position/shape, can I qualify for medicare cover for the surgery which should be considered as reconstructive?  Can breast lift surgery be considered reconstructive and be covered by Medicare in my situation?  Do you think it is embarrassing for me to have this surgery at my age/situation and people might think I am a silly, vain old lady?

Lady widow

Continue reading 'Is 60 too late for a boob job?'

Dear Bossy: I am in need of some advice regarding my current relationship. I am an avid reader of your blog and also comment from time to time.

I have been with my girlfriend for about 15 months. While there are so many positive aspects of the relationship that I am so happy and proud of, there are also dents everywhere you look. Now I do understand that there is no perfect relationship and there are always 2 sides to the story.

Now to cut long story short, I find that my girlfriend seems to always be angry at something/someone and I’m always the person to get the jist of everything. This is just through normal times, but when PMS comes around, I get the full force of a raging Godzilla!

If she isn’t angry with work, its her parents. If she isn’t angry with her parents, its friends. And if it isn’t friends, its me. Now through all that no matter who she is angry with, I’m always at the firing line. I love her to bits and would do everything for her, I have been there to talk to and listen to any problems she is having. I have given my advice on topics that I can relate to, but she always comes back and tells me I don’t contribute anything. I’m starting to feel that no matter what I say, no matter how important it is to me, if she doesn’t like what she hears, she’ll turn it around and suddenly everything is my fault because I am never there for her.

I am a generally positive happy go lucky guy, I rarely get angry at anyone or anything but somehow she sees this as such a negative trait of mine. Is it really? She says that I never stress of anything, I’m like that because if I was a stresshead like she is, things will never work. She is a self confessed stresshead, she seems to stress and worry about everything around her, even things like what should we eat for dinner, she will start stressing by breakfast time. Whereas I will be there telling her that it really is nothing to worry about, we will go where we feel like when the time comes. Believe me, that will start an arguement right there.

I know the easy way out is to break it off with her, but I do care for her and I know she cares for me. She does look out for me quite a lot and I always appreciate and try my best to show this, which is probably why I’m always happy when were together. We communicate a lot, sometimes it is too much but I never let it bother me as being a man, I know we are supposed to be there day and night to people that we care about.

I just really don’t know anymore what to do to deal with this stresshead situation. At times when we are having a misunderstanding, I will just shut up and not say my side of the story just because I know she will never stop until she feels like she’s won the arguement. I’m scared that my light-hearted approach to a lot of things will disappear over time. I am also scared that one day, I end up hurting one of the most important people to me.

Sorry if my letter somehow looks quite confusing, it is one of those days where I know she wil never call me until I call or go to her. Because that is when she feels she has won. I’m out of ideas in my head and starting to feel depressed.

Any help or advice would be appreciated, even if its harsh on me.

At wits end.

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