I'm 49, never married, no real relationship in over 11 years and I'm tired of the single life. It's depressing having to add that up.
I take absolutely horrible pictures; I hate glamour shots, and my lack of sleep shows on my face. I have a nice figure, but no money to go out, pay for dating sites or do a makeover.
So are the broke and those striving to be successful according to God's word just supposed to forget about marriage? What website would you advise or what would you advise in general? I've done the grocery store, Home Depot (when I owned a house), etc., but continually run into married men.
Mischon
After so many years living the single life, dating can become an exhausting endeavor. You may feel like marriage just isn't in the cards for you, and you might be wondering if you should just give up. Love is an incredible force, though, and when it's missing from your life, its absence feels like a wound. In order to stay on the path, you have to enjoy the journey. Dating can be a fun, exciting, and hysterical endeavor if you approach it positively and choose to be a successful single.
At this point, you need a shift in your personal perception. At present, you paint a poor picture of who you really are, and if that is who you believe yourself to be, then it's no surprise you aren't attracting the right kind of man. You need to refresh your self confidence and your image. People are attracted to those who exude self love, and right now the message you're sending the world is "I'm aight."
Reach out to those around you and ask them what makes you great. What makes you special? What is unique about you? Make a list of these positive traits, and work on exuding them each day. The more you let your positive traits sparkle, the brighter you shine and, like a moth to a flame, you will attract others to you.
You want your inner self to match your outer self, so do a budget makeover. You don't need money, but rather a fresh pair of eyes and a new perspective. Think about how you want the world to perceive you and jot down a few key words that represent the image you want to portray. Then invite a friend, colleague or confidant who has an eye for style and ask them to help you create that look. Invite them into your closet and have them pick an outfit, hairstyle, and make up to complete the look. You'll be surprised to see that you have exactly what you need; you just couldn't see past your own limited perception of yourself.
As for where to meet men, it's a good idea to get friends involved in the search. Friends are a great way to be introduced to available men, and they can personally vouch for the character of anyone they set you up with. Volunteer to do community service, and as you reach out to help others, you surround yourself with people who have similar values.
Take part in speed dating events (e.g. www.ImprovDates.com) that cater to your age group, because the more people you meet the more choice you have. There is an abundance of free online dating sites that specialize in matching singles of all ages, so take some new pics and start winking. (Photo tip: Tilt your chin up in pictures. It will make a tired face look refreshed)
Being a successful single requires self confidence, the right attitude, and the will to get out there and meet new people. You are not limited by your money, so let go of the belief that you need it to find love.
Follow Coach Brody on Twitter @LuvCoach
Comments: (9)
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By: vdog on 4/04/2011 6:13PM
In THE NEW ECONOMY sistas need to make sure they are WILLING TO SHARE(hike the ball), STOPPING THE MATERIALISM and KNOW THAT THE QUALIFIACTION OF A GOOD MAN IS NOT HIS CARS AND CLOTHES. Also, STOP GIVING THE GOOD GUYS HELL WHILE GIVING THE BUMS HEAVEN.
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By: glennie45 on 4/04/2011 11:13PM
I don't think that is what author was really saying, I think she was wanting to know other advice as to where to and what to do...not that she was materialistic and not wanting to help foot the bill. Be almost in that same situation, I feel that you DO need money to get on the single sites and money if she is wanting to go where she THINKS her guy maybe. I don't think she is talking about that she is picky over his car and clothes. It's just that where does an over 40 women go? We always hear about the 25 to 30 year olds but not the divorced/widowed 40 to 50 year olds. I have tried talking to various types of men who in turn will say that I'm not what they are looking for (which is fine, we all have our types) OR they don't want to know me, but just want to get me into bed on the second date. I know that there are very good men out there but I TOO would like to know at this age what can we do to find THAT GOOD MAN?
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By: vdog on 4/08/2011 5:40AM
You're right GLENNIE. I was just putting my two cents in about what need to CHANGE.
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By: kieraht on 4/05/2011 2:48PM
Maybe Mischon can try the singles groups at church. Another free suggestion would be to starting jogging in the park. Join a local MeetUp group to meet people who share an interest. Also Mischon should let her friends know that she'd like to meet someone.
But first, Mischon has got to fix her attitude. She sounds depressed and by extension a little pathetic. I don't care what Tyler Perry says - attractive successful men seek the same - not some project they have to work on.
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By: Melvin H on 4/07/2011 10:55PM
Good Advice, KierahtI know it may seem bad, but it's not. Just take a little more initiative to get out and mingle......meeting someone doesn't cost anything. Don't give up.....keep going, good things come to those who wait.
Hit me up maybe I could help
Melvin41476@yahoo
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By: RAJESVARI on 5/17/2011 9:14AM
I think dateing is a investment and one dose have to have some funds.Wanting things to be enjoyable on the outting,going out will cost.No matter how u meet at a store,in the community,or online(over the net).
One wants to look nice and may have to buy new items,a makeover(hairstyle)can cost.Transportation can be and issue which must be dealt with.
Selection of event or location of outting will cost. Something as simple as a movie,concert, comedy club or dineing out.
Remember,Im speaking from having no or little funds, if the spark isn't there,your already out for meeting someone to call ones own.
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By: luvnfears on 6/20/2011 4:33PM
I'm almost 35. I've tried the dating cites and paid for 6 months to meet ppl. met a couple of ppl and it was a waste of my time and money. Can't meet a black man that actually wants to date a black woman so I kind of gave up. This was 3 years ago. Now I kind of shut down on meeting anyone.
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By: Caregiver 1 on 6/23/2011 7:28PM
It has been some time since the writer posted this letter, but it is new to me and here goes. It is uncertain what the lady has done to reach 49yrs with no substantial relationship in the last 11 years. I think that issue is probably at the core of the reason that she now finds herself in the position she is in. I suggest that the true reason is far deeper than the apparent self confidence deficit. I believe it is because she listened to all of the woman-speak as she grew up and expected it to be the proper way to conduct herself and her relationship life. I believe she may have felt during her 20's that she should rightly focus on her career and experiencing what life had to offer. During this time and well into her 30's, I also believe that the woman-speak she was indoctrinated with, made her develop some unrealistic expectations of what a suitor needed to bring to her table in contrast to what she needed to bring to their table. This lead her through a series of relationships where her needs were un-met because she looked for a man to "complete her" and that access to her sexually was all she needed to supply with a definite rationing plan as she saw fit. She may have also felt that her sex could be wielded like a weapon to change unwanted male suitor behaviors or habits. She probably never examined and understood her sex was what made her like every other women and not what distinguished her from other women. What she learned was that as she came in contact with a "higher quality" man a.k.a a man with means(money, position and power), she saw that those old ways of "handling him" were ineffective as he knew he had options between women that sought his "means".
So now she ends up at 49 with a disadvantage against younger, more physically attractive women and confused that her sexual "trump card" did not win the game. Mischon now is in a dilemma because her religious teaching (which she embraced when the male prospects started to dry up or she experienced the "bad break-up")has been telling her to not be very sexual(eventhough she is at her peak years)and she has learned the same kind of male personality types are in the church just like they are in the streets. No doubt a friend told her to go where the men that she would like to date are and Mischon wants a man of means. This translates into sporting events, benefits and galas, art shows and upscale events that have an admission that she can't consistently afford. And when she goes, she sees the younger, more sexually alluring women there effectively exercising their seductive muscle. This seductive muscle exercising is contrary to her present religious position. Unfortunately men in the age group and financial station she seeks, know their attractiveness and scarcity. I would suggest to Mischon that she clearly see what she brings to the table and like the old axiom says "water seeks its own level". Or like Lyfe Jennings wrote "don't be a nickel out here looking for a dime". She should seek out a "good and reasonable" man and maybe not a captain of industry like she had hoped to snag. Peace
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By: zerejahi on 6/27/2011 9:02PM
EXCELLENT speculation on how Mischon might have come to her present dilemma and perspective. It is rough out here these days no matter what you have working for you. Finding what you need versus what you want in a companion is difficult for anyone, but I definitely recognized the female types alluded to in this comment. How many times have I been lured to the physically attractive female only to find an empty shell beyond her sexual acumen. It's just a shame...
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