Two moms or two dads, no worries

When two women or two men decide to have children together, there's a few thorny issues to work out. From who gives birth to obtaining and divvying up the sperm, the rules change -- just a little. And then there's the mommy and daddy part.

Jay, an iReporter from Boston, Massachusetts, says she and her female partner have lots of details to account for as they plan their family, but that overall, it's just another family.

With same-sex marriage being debated in several states, further discussion is taking place about raising children in these partnerships. We asked iReporters what it's like to have a child in a same-sex relationship or to have gay parents. We got tons of thoughtful responses.

Now 26, Jay was raised in a home with straight parents. Jay isn't her real name, but a nickname we're using in this story to protect her privacy. She struggled with gender identity for years, but she now considers herself a lesbian with an unfixed gender identity. She says she prefers female pronouns for feminist and political reasons.

The two partners plan on splitting the birthing duties. Using the same sperm will make the children half-siblings, Jay says, adding that the couple wants to have biological children but also may adopt.

Jay says her partner will have a baby first, and then she will follow suit. The biological part is relatively easy; as for the social part, they may have to play it by ear.

"My partner and I have often discussed the implications of my gender identity on having a child, whether they might refer to me as Dad sometimes or go to me when they want to play more culturally masculine games or activities."

Meeting her current partner has helped her open up about her sexuality and gender, Jay says. She says she doesn't want her children to experience the same loneliness that she felt when she was struggling with her identity.

"I can't wait to give our child the full love and support I so desperately needed when I was growing up," Jay said. "I have not a single doubt that they will have a much happier childhood than I did."

There's lots to hope for, says James N. of Richmond, Virginia, who says his two mothers provided respite from the collapse of a seemingly perfect nuclear family in the suburbs. He'd lived with his straight father and gay mother and the difference was palpable.