Charlie Sheen: As American as Apple Pie

Jean Baptiste Lacroix/WireImage

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Look, nobody fantasizes about being Charlie Sheen. You wouldn't trade brains with the guy, or kidneys, or crotches, or arrest records. What we fantasize about sharing is his delusions, his unkillable conviction that he's the shit, despite a 100 percent failure rate as a human being. That's how he became America's most beloved sitcom star for more than a ­decade, playing oafish party boys named Charlie on Two and a Half Men and Spin City. And that's why he's suddenly a bigger star than ever.

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