When you have a backdrop as lovely as the Bahamas, it tends to be used in a lot of movies, such as Casino Royale, Pirates of the Caribbean and, um, Why Did I Get Married Too?

So, when I was in Nassau, I got a film tour from Romeo Farrington, a chauffeur with a history in "the biz." Years ago, he picked up a fare as a cab driver, a short one that wasn't going to pay well. Romeo sang a tune for the passenger, and then ...

It ended up being a huge fare, since the passenger turned out to be a producer who gave Romeo a singing part in JAWS 4: THE REVENGE!

Romeo, utilizing his cinematic experience, took us to several key film locales, such as "Jaws Beach" ...

... and "Flipper Beach."

Don't get me wrong, the scenery was lovely, but something ... was missing.

I was observing, not experiencing! This was rectified when we took a 30-minute chartered flight from Nassau to the Exumas, a Bahamian district made up of more than 360 tiny islands.

Our destination was Staniel Cay, home to only 80 full-time residents, who make their way around the island using bicycles and golf carts!

One resident was Wayde Nixon, who operates boat tours in the area. For $600 a day ($400 a half day) for up to five people, he'll show you the sights, some stranger than others ...

Pigs! An island of pigs! Back before the first Gulf War, Wayde and a friend bought four sows and one boar, fearing a possible embargo and wanting to keep the Staniel Cay residents fed. They set the pigs up on a deserted island and fed them, until the day they busted out of their pen and roamed free!

By Wayde's estimate there are usually 40 pigs wandering the island, eating wild cabbage, grubs and of course scraps from boats that they swim out to greet. And sometimes people like me will swim to greet the pigs ...

While reporters from OTHER unnamed news outlets stay in the boat and take pictures (just sayin').

The pigs still end up serving their succulent purpose, as Wayde and friends periodically hunt down the boars (too many males causes fights for the affections of the lovely sows). The residents throw a party and share the meat, but never with the tourists. Tourists just have to be satisfied with experiencing a kick in the delicates from the pork paddlers.

While no movies have been shot on "pig island" (yet), Wayde took us to a spot called Thunderball Grotto, named after the movie it appeared in, Dodgeball (kidding). It seemed slightly intimidating at first since we had to snorkel our way into the cave, but once in ...

... wow! Teeming with colourful fish, the more adventurous tourist can actually jump into it through its natural skylight above!

I would have done it, but we were running behind. I ain't no chicken, okay?

The best part about touring around the Cays like this was the relative solitude. After exploring the grotto by ourselves, we zipped over to a deserted island and had a packed lunch. A deserted island! No bar pools or screaming kids or jet skis, just a large patch of sand, beautiful blue water and a sandwich.

What? You didn't travel to the Bahamas for sandwiches? Well, the next day we went spear fishing for our lunch! And by "we" I mean the nice man who does it for a living caught lobsters and fish while I watched.

But he did let me carry the conches he found.

The snorkelling portion of my tour ended with a visit to some "nurse sharks." I was assured these sharks were safe, you know, since they were called "nurses," so getting into the water with them wasn't TOO scary. That is, until ...

Sharks in a bit of a frenzy, whether they be certified nurses or not, are a little scary. I'll admit that.

This, of course, was heightened when I backed into a dock post as a shark was coming at me.

TRUE FACT: You can really hear the chomp of a shark biting when it's inches from your face!

You know, the trip was centred around the film industry, but that ended up being the farthest thing from my mind, especially at night sitting out on the dock, looking up at the stars, sunburnt and full of lobster. There were islands in the region owned by Hollywood celebrities, but the residents didn't seem to care much, and I understand why. Who cares about celebrities when you exprience all of this, every day?

Also I was kicked in the junk by a swimming pig. Way better than seeing Johnny Depp's island.

Steve Murray was a guest of The Bahamas Tourist Office. Bahamas.com