Margin. Wiggle room. Space.
What are these things? They're how you reduce anxiety. They prevent a hassle---such as an unexpected car repair, or a sick child---from morphing into a calamity. They're the antidote for overwhelment. They lower your stress level, because you don't have to worry about so many "What ifs?"
What's the opposite of margin? Living on the edge. Living paycheck to paycheck. Doing things just in time. Waiting until the last minute. Stuffing too much into a day. Not taking into account the unexpected emergencies or situations that inevitably arise.
A margin-less life creates stress and chaos. It leaves you vulnerable. You can live margin-less and be fine...as long as everything goes according to plan. But when the unexpected occurs, you don't have any space in which to fall. You move from barely hanging on, to free falling.
Does your life have margin?
Margin comes in many forms: an emergency fund for unexpected bills or financial difficulties; a pantry or freezer that's stocked with quick meals for busy nights; a support circle---friends, family and neighbors that will help you in a pinch, whether it be picking up a child from school, or counseling you through a difficult time. Margin can be a relaxed schedule, where you leave time between appointments to eat lunch, or to simply transition from one activity to the next. Margin can be a relaxed mindset, where you accept the change of plans when a baby is teething and fussy or a child is home with the flu.
For several years, I lived without margin. Our finances were very, very tight, so when the car needed repair, I was in tears, wondering how to pay for it. I didn't allow for transitions, forgetting that, while, yes, it may only take 10 minutes to drive from my house to the Montessori school, it takes another 10 to get everyone dressed and in the car, and another 5 to get settled into the classroom. I waited until the last minute to schedule a date with my husband/order new contacts/make lunches for school, which often meant I couldn't find a babysitter, or I'd run out of contacts before my new ones arrived.
Living with margin makes life more joyful. Less anxious. Less depressed. More relaxed. While we always have a choice in how we react to life's snafus, it's much easier to maintain a positive mindset when we're not living so close to the bone.
Margin can be internal, as well as external.
Internal margin is relaxing your expectations of what you can realistically accomplish in a given day. It's setting reachable goals----committing to exercise five times a week, instead of everyday---so that you can feed off your success. If you get six workouts one week? That's a bonus. Internal margin is picking and choosing the activities and commitments that align with your values, rather than signing yourself, your family, or your children up for every possibility.
I make a point to add margin in my life. Because of it, I'm (generally) happier, calmer, andless anxious. Margin is how I show myself kindness. It's accepting that I can't do or be everything to all people all of the time.
How can you create margin in your life? Here are some ideas:
* Give yourself time to navigate transitions: factor in that extra 15 minutes it takes to get out the door, or to pick up your son from school.
* Leave space between meetings or items on your calendar. I know I feel cranky and out of sorts when I run non-stop, from one thing to another, without any down time.
* Start an emergency fund for financial emergencies. This will save you a tremendous amount of stress or worry. When the water heater breaks, you can pay cash, instead of accumulating credit card debt.
* Eat dinner earlier to allow for a relaxed evening routine. I love having time to read with my children before dinner, to play a game, or to sit and talk with my husband, but this is only possible if we're done with dinner earlier in the evening.
* Get up earlier to allow for a more relaxed morning routine. My days flow more positively when I start my day gently, rather than rushing about, feeling like I'm starting my day behind.
* Dejunk your home. Give your house margin, by having surfaces free from knickknacks and clutter. When I simplified my home decor, initially, my house felt a little bare. Now I'm used to the spaciousness and lack of knickknacks, and I love its calm, airy feel. (On a side note, I've had several women comment on how tidy my house is. Simplification---getting rid of all of the unnecessary clutter---is the key to an organized home.)
* Have extras of toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo, paper towels on hand. That way, when you run out, you don't have to run to the store right away.
* Make sure your closet has a dress or other outfit that can be dressed up or down for a wedding, a cocktail party, or other fancy event. That way, when you receive an invitation, you won't feel pressured to go out and buy something, or feel ambivalent about going because you don't have anything to wear.
This posting, Reduce Anxiety by Creating Margin, is posted by Karly P. at Wellsphere.com