For the past few months, we’ve sort of tone through “adorable internet animal ennui” here at BWE.tv. After years of wanting to personally crush litters of baby animals with my hands out of sheer cuteness, we had reached our maximum cute peak and seemed to be sliding downhill.
Much like the South Park episode where Cartman blew his “funny fuse,” photos of baby animals just weren’t “doing” it for us anymore…
Well good news readers. WE ARE BACK!! And all it took to reignite our passion for wanting to give birth to a litter of kittens was a TEAR YOUR SHIRT OFF PRECIOUSSSS video of a baby tiger and a couple of penguins celebrating the Chinese New Year in appropriate garb.
If the first tiny baby tiger meow doesn’t give you the “furry vapors,” surely the Geisha Penguin will…
Want to hug your loved one this Valentine’s Day, but you just can’t manage to get in the same room as them to do so? Now, you can send them something that is literally the exact same thing with the new Hug-E-Gram, a pair of inanimate arms you can mail to your special someone so they can wrap it around themselves and try really hard to delude themselves into believing it’s something resembling a hug:
The website even lists the many reasons why sending severed arms is a perfect Valentine’s gift:
- It shows you love someone when you cannot be there
- It is a unique gift that lasts forever
- It lets you feel a hug anytime you need one
- It has Hamburger Helper hands for some reason*
- I’d sooner have my ghost spirit inhabit the body of Whoopi Goldberg to hug my Valentine before I’d send her one of these*
[*Possibly added my me]
So who will YOU be sending a Hug-E-Gram to this Valentine’s Day? I was thinking my mother, but then I realized she might mistakenly interpret the severed arms as some sort of mob threat, freak out, and enter the Witness Protection Program, so maybe I’ll have to just stick with my usual Whoopi Goldberg Ghost option.
I won’t spoil the outcome of this epic bout, but let’s just say, if you had any doubts about how much cats love to be pestered over and over again by robotic arms, this video should clear them up:
Here’s the video for Rihanna’s new single “Rude Boy”, a song about d*cks that takes place inside a graffitied wall in the 80s and directed by the SNL “Giraffes” people. Thumbs up.
It’s not that this video of two teeny knitted animal pals playing ukulele isn’t re-goshdarned-diculously adorable, it’s just that…it’s now gonna be stuck in my eyes and ears until the end of time. How shall I ever resume being sad again?
This daggummed east coast blizzard may have hindered our ability to go anywhere or do anything, but you know what it can’t stop us from doing? Watching a video of this year’s crucial Tracy Porter Super Bowl-sealing interception recreated on the game Tecmo Bowl:
…Unless the weather knocks out the internet, in which case, well, crap.
Before we get into why this local commercial jingle writer in Atlanta is clearly the worst jingle writer in history, why don’t you take a listen to one of his tunes. Like this one, for the now unforgettable candy store “Hoffman’s Chocolates”:
But it was thanks to loyal BWE reader Marci Robin, who pointed out the eery local low budget commercial coincidence in the following ad for Smartbox, a company that either sells boxes or wants your stuff. The jingle writer, who sounds AWFULLY SIMILAR to our new favorite Hoffman’s Chocolates singer, basically just wrote down what happens when you put your stuff into storage and hammered it into an all too familiar tune…
This is a video about a Dog Man. Dog head, man hands. Eating a snack. When we first caught wind of this latest viral clip, we calmly thought “Oh cool, the Apocalypse is here, and now the world is going to be run by the Dogheads.” Then we heard the all too familiar sound of muffled laughter in the background, and the truth was to slowly reveal itself. No Apox! On the bright side, good to know that this sweet yellow lab are GENIUSESSSSSSS.
And so it ends, not with a mighty roar or Jay lying on the floor next to the one child born to his staff during the run of the show, but with a mere Bob Costas L.A. Clippers joke and an abrupt throw to the local news.