There's nothing funny about depression. But when Ashley and Erika started arguing over who had it worse on Real World: D.C., it was all the rest of their roomies could do to keep from rolling their eyes. In our 'D.C. on the DL' exclusive, Josh confides that he thinks Ashley blew up outta jealousy (over Erika's supportive fam), while Andrew and Emily say the girls got caught up in all the competitiveness -- instead of focusing on their common ground. Have they got a point? Hear the gang's post-fight analysis, plus find out why they feel Ashley and Erika are more alike than either of 'em wants to admit.

How do you get over a breakup? For us, it takes at least a week or two of moping around the house/listening to maudlin guitar music. For Adam, all it took was one cuddly I'm-there-for-you hug from Emily Sones. Yep, less than 24 hours after splitting up with Holly, Adam was already seeking solace in the arms of his BFF-slash-singing partner. And as much as we'd like to see those two together (Emily's "little crush" might be the worst kept secret in SCPA), we're not entirely sure Adam's ready to settle down.

Think Emily should give Adam a little time to clear his head? Or should she strike while the iron's hot? Take the poll and tell us whether these two friends are ready to take the plunge!

Carlton has some pretty smooth moves on the dance floor, but when it comes to flirting, dude still needs a little work. Despite his All-American good looks (BTdubs, is somebody missing an Abercrombie model?), Carlton's not exactly hitting it outta the park with his SCPA crush, Anna. So what can he do to step up his game? Based on what we've seen tonight, we've come up with a few dating guidelines. Below, the top three things you should probably never do around your dream girl ...

1) Walk face-first into her sliding glass door. In front of everyone she knows. Oops!
2) Promise you'll never, ever break her heart ... before you've even gone out on one date.
3) Stare crazy intensely at her boyfriend, then start asking everyone around who's better.

+ Think Carlton can still turn it around (and win Anna's heart)? Sound off in the comments!

If you haven't gotten your loved one a Valentine's Day present yet, let's face it: you're probably kinda screwed. But for those of you who pride yourselves on last-ditch efforts (and minimal exertion!), we've got the perfect holiday package: Valentine's Day e-cards starring the cast of the Jersey Shore!

Show your (Sammi) sweetheart how much you care by baking her some holiday Snookies, JWOWWing her with love or wishing her all the best on her (Pauly D-style) blowout. With luck (and maybe a minor miracle), you'll be pounding one out before the day is done. Talk about a Shore thing! (Cards, art, amazingness brought to you by our friends at CollegeHumor.com.)

+ See more, after the jump!

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Lauren Conrad knows a thing or two about selling books. Her first novel, L.A. Candy, became an international bestseller overnight, and now she's hoping for a repeat with her just-released follow-up, Sweet Little Lies. So what's her secret to success? Great marketing and, of course, the decision to write about what she knows.

"I got to have fun with it," Lauren revealed yesterday at a book signing in Miami. "[A]nd, in a way, tell a similar story as far as things you go through ... without spilling [all my] secrets." 'Course, that doesn't mean she's keeping Candy fans completely in the dark. Recently, LC shocked readers by telling Seventeen that Jane Roberts (the series' sweet, glass-is-half-full protagonist) isn't the only character with Conrad-like tendencies.

"Jane is the main character [of Sweet Little Lies] and most like me," LC admitted. "But also when I was more sarcastic and against [being on] the The Hills, I was able to illustrate that through Scarlett [Harp], her best friend."

+ Will you be picking up a copy of LC's latest book? Sound off in the comments, plus let us know whether you see Lauren as more of a Jane or a Scarlett in the L.A. Candy series.

Ashley's taken the rap for being "Most Dramatic" through the first six episodes of Real World: D.C., but tonight, Erika stepped outta the shadows to give her a run for her money. We're not sure what exactly the girls were fighting about (nothing? everything?), but by the end, both of 'em had laughed, cried, whined, vented and sniped their way to a tentative truce, while the rest of the house shuffled around in quiet discomfort/pretended everything was fine.

It was all super duper awk and melodramatic (from Ashley's "spoiled brat" attack to Erika's mystifying I-wanna-shop meltdown), but since every fight must have a winner (and a loser), we thought we'd cap off the theatrics by finding out which girl took "getting real" to a whole new level. So who was the victim and who was the instigator-in-chief tonight? Take the poll and vote for your favorite overreactor!

Andrew's larger-than-life personality (and, uh, his penchant for panda hats) might take some getting used to, but once you get past all the unabashed boob gazing/inappropriate come-ons, it'll finally start to hit you: this kid's frickin' hilarious. And since his sex-crazed antics were, sadly, missing from tonight's Real World: D.C. (thanks to Erika and Ashley and their never-ending catfight), we thought we'd give Drewbie's fans a chance to relive some of his greatest moments! Below, check out Panda's made up (but totally plausible!) Match.com audition tape, then stick around to revel in his boyish good looks/equal-opportunity offensiveness.

She's been "Snookin' For Love" ever since she set foot on the Jersey Shore, and now, Nicole Polizzi may have finally found her juicehead! Earlier this week, Shnickers posted pics of her new guy (the preternaturally tan Emilio Antonio) on Twitter and gave RadarOnline.com the scoop:

"He is actually a body builder and works at the gym," Snooki said of her new GLT-lovin' bf.  "He is just, like, my typical guido juicehead with, like, a good personality." (In other words? He's perfect.) So what's up with all the PDA pix? Well, according to Snooki, it's simple: she wanted to show the world (and Brangelina) what sexy looks like.

"I am really excited to, like, show the public who he is," Snooks told RadarOnline.com. "He is freaking banging. We're the sexiest couple I have ever seen in my entire life so I am excited for everybody to see that."

Ladies and gentlemen: Mr. and Mrs. Sexy!

• Super Bowl spies say Kristin Cavallari left Maxim's Miami par-tay with Jets' quarterback Mark Sanchez, presumably to discuss their common interests: tight pants and playing the field. (NYDN)

• Meanwhile, K-Cav showed off her latest splurge (a gazillion dollar handbag) and reminded us all that you're not a real woman til "you buy your first Chanel!" Take that, children! (Now Magazine)

• Paris Hilton stepped up her one-woman campaign to become Mrs. Doug Reinhardt last weekend, when she accidentally-on-purpose referred to Doug's sis Casey as "my future sister-in-law." Subtle, P! (The Hollywood Gossip)

• Audrina Patridge denied evil web reports that she suffered a Janet Jackson-esque "wardrobe malfunction" at the Super Bowl festivities. (Hollywood Life, Twitter)

• Holly Montag's got some bizarro new tattoo! (HuffPo)

While Liz and Taylor were toasting marshmallows and renewing the bonds of friendship, Cori and Tori were steaming over Taylor's can't-talk-I'm-with-Liz betrayal. Yep, nobody likes getting ditched, 'specially with zero notice, and Cori was thisclose to pullin' her hair out when she found out Taylor was off playing Rambo with Liz (and Uncle Buckhunter).

Fortch, Taylor was eventually forgiven (for the record, she claims she did it all for school credit), though Cori still seems less than thrilled about her shoot-'em-up extravaganza. Hear Taylor and her BFF rehash the ugly incident after the fact, plus find out why loyal henchman Tori says she would neeeever disrespect Cori like that.