Contribute to Haiti relief efforts while you enjoy some of South Florida’s top musicians during a two-day benefit concert this weekend at Bayfront Park in downtown Miami.

The lineup includes legendary Haitian big band The Dixie Band (with Tuco Bouzi, Kapi from Tabou Combo and Freddi of Top Vice), Kazak International, Locos Por Juana, Spam All Stars, Suenalo, left, Conjunto Progresso, Afrobeta, Lanzallamas Monofonica, TapTap Band, Rara Rock and Empress Addi, Jean P Jam, JahFe and more.

The music runs from 4 to 10 p.m. Saturday and 2 to 8 p.m. Sunday. Admission is a donation to the American Red Cross, which will receive all proceeds.

Sponsors include the Rhythm Foundation, La Juana Productions, Bayfront Park Trust, Gigs Up Productions, Spuntino Catering, Gibson USA, 88.9FM WDNA, Miami New Times and the performers.

Info: HaitiMizik.org

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Just think of the reaction when, years from now, you reveal to the grandkids: “I once partied with Rachel Uchitel.” OK, you may have to send them to whatever has replaced Google by then (“Tiger” and “infidelity”), but my how impressed they’ll be by the old man! Uchitel, whose name was the first to surface after Tiger Woods’ serial adultery story broke, will celebrate her 35th birthday on Jan. 29 at 251PB, Gus Renny’s trendy lounge at 251 Sunrise Ave. in Palm Beach, where Uchitel has reportedly been staying with family after L’Affair Tigre. The event is open to the public and there’s no cover, but you’ll be at the mercy of the list. Info: 561-659-7840.

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How can you and four friends see Phantom of the Opera at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts for just $100? Here’s how:

On Tuesday, Jan. 12, Phantom cast members will be at Tri-Rail’s Fort Lauderdale/Hollywood International Airport Station (500 Gulf Stream Way, Dania Beach) to help launch the transit line’s “Food Train,” a food drive in support of Feeding South Florida. Give them a donation of non-perishable food, pet food or school supplies and they’ll give you a voucher good for a $20 ticket to see Phantom anytime during the run, which ends Jan. 17.

The voucher can be used for up to six tickets for $20 each for any available seat. (If you don’t mind sitting as a single, there are some sweet seats to be had.) It can be redeemed with the Broward Center box office (954-462-0222) at any time. Box office hours are 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Monday-Friday, noon-5 p.m. Saturday-Sunday, and 90 minutes before each performance. Info: browardcenter.org.

Food Train donations will be exchanged for vouchers at the Tri-Rail station all day Jan. 12, from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Phantom cast members will be there between 11 a.m. and 12:30 p.m.

Info: tri-rail.com, 800-874-7245.

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Add World's Fastest Man Usain Bolt to the list of athletes (somewhere between Rony Seikaly and Cedric Ceballos) who have taken a turn on South Florida turntables when he takes control of the beats per minute at the Opium Hard Rock on Jan. 17. Power 96's DJ Springer and DJ Fergie, Renaissance, Stone Love and Supa Dre are among the other soundscapers. Info: opiumhardrock.com, 96mixx.com, 786-319-1477.

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Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi of MTV's new reality show Jersey Shore, a land littered with wifebeaters, copious amounts of hair gel and waxed eyebrows, begins to add to her 15 minutes when she hosts the party Saturday night at Opium Hard Rock in Hollywood. Snooki, the famously tanned 22-year-old who went viral after taking a punch from a drunk on camera, seems to have her head on straight about the show, telling the Newark Star-Ledger last month: "People go down there for three things: to party, to go to the clubs and to hook up with a lot of girls. You’re not going to find your dream guy at the Jersey Shore.” Words that might apply, hey, anywhere. Info: opiumhardrock.com, 954-327-9094.

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This weekend brings a unique confluence of elements that will make downtown Fort Lauderdale the perfect place to enjoy the great outdoors. First, the weather will be new-sweater glorious: no humidity, early-morning lows in the upper 40s, highs in the upper 60s. Second, the Las Olas Art Fair stretches down five blocks along Las Olas Boulevard from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday (Info: 954-472-3755). Third, the popular SunTrust Jazz Brunch, left, takes place from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Sunday, bringing swinging sounds from the South Florida Jazz Orchestra, Lynne Meryl Quartet, Triana Jazz Band and Phil Fest, as well as brunchy delights such as eggs Benedict and champagne, to the grassy banks of the New River (Info: 954-828-5363). So on Sunday in particular, the sunny fun will run from the riverside plaza in front of the Broward Center on the west to the middle of cafe-lined Las Olas to the east. Stroll, anyone?

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Can there a more perfect way to bid farewell to 2009 — another year of serious decision-making spent distracted by the addictive speedball of familiar opiates: celebrity gossip and comforting consumption — than with the satirist Lady Gaga?

The singer, whose hilarious send-up of consumer culture (Feeling down? Get a new outfit!), the superficiality of fame and the devolution of pop music in the Auto-Tune Age, brings her Fame Monster tour to the James L. Knight Center on New Year's Eve. But after the show she takes her routine to the swank Fontainebleau (4441 Collins) on Miami Beach — performing poolside! Admission is $425, and a stagefront table is going for $25,000. Get it?! Info: livnightclub.com.

Not that there’s anything wrong with kicking back in the over-the-top glow of celebrity this time of year ...

A new spot, Klutch, continues its opening festivities with a party hosted by Twilighter Kellan Lutz, right, and Maxim babe Olivia Munn (Attack of the Show!) and featuring singer-actress Leighton Meester (Gossip Girl), left, Kid Sister,  Boys Like Girls and locals Hey Monday. Info: klutchmiami.com.

The W South Beach will have a live performance by hotter-than-hot Kid Cudi, which will include a “musical interlude” by crooner John Legend. Annalynne McCord (90210) hosts. General admission (advance tickets sold-out online) starts at $50 for women, $500 for guys. Awesome! Info: wsouthbeach.com.

Singer-songwriter Keri Hilson hosts the party at Karu & Y in Miami, where she is expected to be joined by a "surprise" gaggle of NFL and NBA ballers. Admission is $40 (women), $60 (guys) and $100 for open-bar entry. Info: karu-y.com.

Reality TV heartthrob Brody Jenner hosts the party with joonbug.com at Plunge at the Gansevoort South Beach. Tickets are $350, $150 after 12:30 a.m. Info: gansevoortsouthbeach.com.

Macy Gray performs with a 20-piece orchestra at the Mondrian Hotel (1100 West Ave.) on Miami Beach. Admission starts at $250. Info: newyearseve.morganshotelgroup.com.

Keeping things real will be Common, left, at the Florida Room in the Delano on Miami Beach. Admission starts at $250. Info: newyearseve.morganshotelgroup.com.

Adult film stars A.J. Bailey, Monique Alexander and Sunny Leone, right, will be on hand for Vivid’s Sex Sells event at Opium Hard Rock in Hollywood. Tickets range from $100 (plus service charge) for all-night open bar to a $2,000 skybox for 10. Info: opiumhardrock.com.
Chart-topping rapper-singer Drake does the Cameo on Miami Beach, with tickets starting at $200. Info: cameomiami.com.

DJ-to-the-stars Tracy Young spins the boy-friendly Genesis VII party with Oscar G, beginning at 8 a.m. Jan. 1 at Mansion on Miami Beach. That night, Jermaine Dupree does a DJ set beginning at 11 p.m. Info: mansionmiami.com.

If you’re looking for a palate cleanser for all that sticky celebrity, look no further than the B-52s, who bring their "Dance This Mess Around" party to the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood. Tickets run $60-$100. Info: seminolehardrock.com.

More anti-celebrity vibe can be found at various venues, including:

The free Clematis Countdown, with local bands, fireworks and legendary ping-pong ball drop, takes over downtown West Palm Beach. Info: clematiscountdown.com.

Same deal at the Downtown Countdown in Himmarshee Village in Fort Lauderdale. Includes children’s activities from 5 to 9 p.m. Info: 954-828-5363.
The free party on Hollywood Broadwalk has Top 40 tunes from Groove Line. Info: 954-921-3404.

The Spam Allstars perform at the Catalina Hotel on South Beach. Tickets: $95. Info: catalinahotel.com.

At Dada in Delray Beach, revered bluesman Big Poppa E performs a free show at 10 p.m. Dada will offer its regular menu, as well as a New Year’s Eve special (three courses for $55) from 7 p.m. to midnight. Info: 561-330-3232.

Bova Prime in downtown Fort Lauderdale shakes off the post-Rothstein gloom with a party subtitled  “The Best is Yet to Come.” Info: 954-767-6555.

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Whether you know him from backing Conan O’Brien or when he’s with Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band, it’s hard not to get excited by the performances of the 15-piece Max Weinberg Big Band on Sunday and Monday in the Fontainebleau Hotel’s iconic lobby boite, Bleau Bar. The music begins at 8 each night. You can reserve a table, but there’s no charge for standing-room. Info: 305-695-2488.

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The cover of Cheap Trick's most recent CD, The Latest, offers a send-up of the South Florida retiree's time-honored cliche: searching for lost objects in the sand with metal detectors. But at an age when many start to consider retirement -- guitarist Rick Nielsen turned 63 on Tuesday -- Cheap Trick on The Latest "continues to do what it has always done, balancing delicate balladry with skewed popcraft," writes The New Yorker's Ben Greenbaum in a fairly glowing review.

Fans can share their love personally when the band signs copies of The Latest at Barnes & Noble at CityPlace in West Palm Beach on Monday, from 6:30 to 8 p.m. They'll only sign copies of the CD bought at the store. Buy one Saturday-Monday and you'll get a wristband allowing you to get the CD signed. Info: cityplace.com, 561-514-0811.

At noon on Sunday, Cheap Trick will perform a free pre-game show prior to the Dolphins-Texans game at 1 p.m. at Land Shark Stadium. The band also will sign copies of The Latest at the Dolphin team store at the stadium after the game. Info: miamidolphins.com, 888-346-7849.

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Does it say something about us that we have tapped Kim Kardashian, left, as a grand marshal of this weekend's Winterfest Boat Parade, one of the region's most unique and cherished homegrown holiday events?

Lots of folks (yes, mostly women folks) seem to be looking down their noses at the choice. As if Nelson Mandela had also expressed interest in a night of boating on the New River.

At the recent holiday parade in Hollywood (the other one), the grand marshal was Susan Lucci of All My Children. I wouldn't trade you a Kardashian for three Luccis and Dan Uggla.

In Nashville, they seemed to be happy with ersatz country crooner John Rich leading the festivities (Y'all?). In Fort Worth, they gave it to old Dallas Cowboy Walt Garrison (Csonka lite). San Jose had skater Kristi Yamaguchi (for the 1992 gold medal or Dancing With the Stars?). In Stamford, Conn., the big float was graced by Connie Chung and Maury Povich (Huh?).

All I'm saying is that one day we may look back fondly on the time when we could have someone as sought-after as Kardashian, arguably the It Girl in today's pop culture zeitgeist (though it could all change tomorrow), sit on a Winterfest boat next to classy Heat legend Alonzo Mourning, right, who represents all that is serious and grounded and right about life down here.

The Winterfest Boat Parade is Saturday, with lighted and snowy-themed boats heading out on the New River beginning at 6 p.m. One of the great things about the parade's recent move to the New River is all the downtown nooks and crannies (and bars and restaurants) from which to get a nice view. The official grandstand, with seating and entertainment, is at Birch State Park on Sunrise Boulevard. Gates open at 3:30 p.m. Tickets are $21, $16 for kids 10 and younger (Publix has coupons for $5 off adult tickets). Info: winterfestparade.com, 954-767-0686.

Music, music everywhere
The best thing about the inaugural Miami Music Festival that unfurls this weekend across more than two dozen stages in Miami's Brickell district and environs is a lineup of bands that is intensely local. Latin, hip-hop, folk, jazz and straight-up rock, all your homies are here, which can't be said for most massive music festivals in other far-flung cities. And it may not always be that way here. So let's make the most of it.

Many bands are playing multiple venues over the course of the festival, which goes into the wee hours Sunday morning, and only you can plot your favorite trajectory. As a for-instance, Thursday night's lineup at Transit Tent 1 (Southeast Eighth Street at South Miami Avenue) includes Jose El Rey at 9 p.m. and Suenalo at 11 p.m. At Mekka Discotekka (950 NE Second Ave.) Shawn Snyder plays at 9 p.m., Stonefox at 1 a.m. and Ghost of Gloria, right, at 2 a.m. And Waxy O'Connor's (690 SW First Court) has Carlos Bertonatti at 9 p.m., Amaury Gutierrez at midnight and Araka at 1 a.m.

Friday night’s lineup on the Transit Lounge patio (729 SW First Ave.) includes crooner Alex Cuba at 9:45 and Awesome New Republic at 11:15. At Transit Tent 1 look for Electric Piquete at 11, City of God at midnight and Ex Norwegian at 1 a.m.

Among the acts on Saturday at Tobacco Road (626 S. Miami Ave.), you’ll find Stonefox at 9 p.m., Music is a Weapon at 11 and Ghost of Gloria at 2 a.m. Also Saturday, Transit Tent 2 (Southeast Eighth Street and South Miami Avenue) has the Rick Ross Maybach Music Showcase including Hood City at 11 p.m., the Basiqs at midnight and CeCe Segarra at 1 a.m.

The Miami Music Festival runs through Saturday with shows starting at 8 each night. Tickets: $10 for individual multi-band showcases; $25 for one-day wrist bands ($20 for students). For a complete lineup of bands, go to miamimusicfestival.org.

Kelly live
Kelly Osbourne will see what the post-Dancing With the Stars bump is worth as the finalist in last month's season-ender takes to the dance floor Friday night at Liv nightclub in the Fontainebleau (4441 Collins) with DWTS partner Louis Van Amstel. Tickets: $20 women, $30 guys. Info: livnightclub.com, 305-674-4680. Can Donny Osmond be far behind?

Playmates unfolded
Pangaea Lounge at the Hard Rock (5701 Seminole Way, Hollywood) hosts its fourth annual Snowbunny Ball Saturday night with Playmates Jennifer Pershing (Miss March), left, and Crystal McCahill (Miss May) along with DJ Sky Neillor, who takes a back seat to no Playmate. Info: pangaea-lounge.com, 954-581-5454.

Boy toys
Free admission to the Toys for Tots benefit at Respectable Street (518 Clematis, West Palm Beach) Saturday night with the donation of one toy. Sounds by Big Bang Radio, the Retrocities, the Notary and Angry Pudding. Info: respectablestreet.com, 561-832-9999.

Nutcracking
The word at press time is that tickets remain, scattered though they may be, for all five of this weekend's performances of the perennially sold-out production of George Balanchine's The Nutcracker at the Broward Center. Shows are at 7:30 p.m. Friday through Sunday and 2 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Tickets: $19.75-$65. Info: miamicityballet.org, 877-929-7010.

Truman show
Each year since 1999, 80-year-old Dan Leslie Bowden, a semi-retired Ransom Everglades teacher, has brought Buddy and Sook and Queenie to life while reading Truman Capote's holiday classic A Christmas Memory at Book & Books (265 Aragon Ave.) in Coral Gables. Bowden, who began introducing the book to his students in the 1950s, will read Monday at 8 p.m. Info: booksandbooks.com, 305-442-4408.

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