A modern day man of steel, Chris Pontius is so overwhelmingly comfortable with his sexuality that it makes everyone else around him uncomfortable.

In any given conversation, Pontius will usually hijack the discourse and steer it towards a perverse land of mystery and intrigue—in other words, his tallywhacker. The funny thing about his penis is that it’s somewhat “telescoped” in form…the odd and unforeseen result from a time when he was a young boy and used to dangle cooking pots from it to amuse his friends (according to Chris, he never dangled anything from his wiener with no less than three people in the room; furthermore, the heaviest object ever used was a cast iron wok).

A romantic barbarian at heart, Pontius wandered the world throughout the ’90s with only a guitar, skateboard, and backpack in tow, the spirited and dirty tales from which he’d often document in a little spiral-bound notebook. These ridiculous accounts often found there way into the subversive pages of Big Brother magazine, providing him with a run of random paychecks to fund the endless couch tour. It wasn’t until a decade later he found himself somewhat grounded in Los Angeles, the haphazard result of a wholly accidental Hollywood career courtesy of jackass. Chris has since settled down, both in the domestic and Biblical sense, but he still travels the world with just a backpack in hand—the only difference being that it now contains a much more extensive and exotic array of male undergarments than ever before.

Much like Clark Kent or P.J. Clapp, Chris is wont to operate under a pseudonym. Actually, he has an entire quiver of them to choose from at any given moment—over 20, to be somewhat precise. First and foremost there is “Party Boy,” a sexy persona that has since become a worldwide cultural icon. “Bunny the Lifeguard” is another flamboyant alter ego that readily presents itself whenever a flowery bikini top, Daisy Dukes, rabbit ears, and a modicum of water danger come into play.

Other colorful multiple personalities include “Chief Roberts,” “Mr. Afternoon,” “Chico Fiesta” (the macho Latin incarnation of Party Boy), and a disturbing individual known as “Garbage Man,” who only wears black gaffer’s tape to cover his junk. Despite this revolving door of alter egos, though, Chris is most famous for playing himself—or rather, playing with himself.

It should be noted that Pontius bears a striking resemblance to actor Patrick Swayze. Well, it’s passing at best, but just watch the boys and ladies swoon when he lets loose with a handful of choice lines from Roadhouse, Point Break, and Dirty Dancing in a crisp, tight-fitting, white T-shirt and some acid wash jeans. Currently, Pontius is roaming the Irish countryside and fronting his band Scream For Me, along with fellow musicians and miscreants Scott Manning and Loomis Fall.

occupation: Barbarian, daredevil, entertainer, actor, writer, Texas gunslinger-style guitar player. I wish I would have become a porn star instead…that is my biggest regret. I also wish I would have dropped out of high school earlier.

favorite music: All great songs. I don't care about genre.

favorite shows: Showbiz is my life!

favorite books: Breakfast of Champions, by Kurt Vonnegut; any David Sedaris book. The Alchemist, by Paulo Coehlo, got me through tough times. I am probably the greatest writer that who's stories I've read. I don't really like writing, though.

interests: I think my favorite thing is to lay in front of a common household fan and feel the wind in my hair. Even better, is when I have two industrial strength fans on either side of me, blowing at full blast. I call that the storm and it is paradise.