As you might have noticed, the world is not going too well of late. Industries dying, evil men making off (really, could he have been better named?) with billions and, well, industries dying. In fact, so many are doing so badly that they have fallen prey to everyone's favorite hobgoblin of little minds: The shamelessly hoary cliche. Ryan Tate writes:

Oh God SHUT UP: Your company/industry/economy did not fail because of a "perfect storm," a chance, disastrous combination of outside events. It failed because you sucked!

It turns out the term "perfect storm" is barely 10 years old and is actually derived from the book of the same name, later made into a movie. In the short interim period the "perfect storm" has become the perfect bleat for whiny businessmen everywhere.

Among those who have taken shelter in "the perfect storm" are Sam Zell, GM CEO Rick Wagoner, Countrywide CEO Angelo Mozilo and countless "analysts" on cable news shows that should know better. And, um, this paper.

Of course, as cute as Sebastian Junger may be, there's no way that the title of his slim, albeit best-selling, nonfiction book would be vying for most annoying catchphrase of the 21st century if it weren't for the evil Hollywood henchmen -- in this case, Warner Bros., Wolfgang Petersen and those twin horsemen of the apocalypse, George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg, who turned it into a would-be "Jaws," with the Atlantic Ocean standing in for Bruce and, you know, a not-so-happy ending.

Hear that? THEY ALL DROWNED. No one survived the perfect storm. So will everyone please stop trying to draw comparisons? It's almost like you're asking for it and really, we need all the help we can get.

Those were two more cliches. The difference is in this case, they're true. [Gawker]

Bettie Page, 85, died last night. She was the the subject of a well-intentioned though misguided and otherwise dull biopic (but Gretchen Mol did surprisingly good work), told the Los Angeles Times in 2006 that “I want to be remembered as a woman who changed people’s perspectives concerning nudity in its natural form,” was sexier than a thousand pre-surgery Jenna Jamesons and is largely responsible for the image of Britney Spears if not her career, though I wouldn't swear that each knew who the other was. She refused to be photographed after she retired from pinup work in her mid-30s, but as of 80 she remained beautiful. [AP]

Imagery probably NSFW, though you might get a pass today given the circumstances. And posting a clip that was any less than NSFW would be an insult to her memory.

As you might have heard, the music industry is in a spot of trouble. Damian Reece does a fine job of delineating how that's working out for EMI, which recently lost $1.1 billion and owes Citigroup about $3.9 billion. So now EMI's owned by private equity firm Terra Firma and run by the improbably named Guy Hands, who has been sorting out bands "who we think can bring the business forward and who won't" (i.e., firing). So how's that going? Verve manager Jazz Summers suggests not so well:

"I think what he's done in the past is he's gone in and said, 'Here are whatever pubs he's bought, this is how we're going to turn them round.'

"And here's a load of service stations in Germany and we've sorted out the toilets and now everything is working right, and it was really badly run before.

"And he started to do that in the music industry but what it did was it de-motivated everybody you would ever want to meet, because none of them knew whether they were going to get a job.

"And then he went out, unfortunately for him, and said artists were taking big advances and not working very hard and that got under all our skins."

Gee, it's enough to make you glad that we spent all that time for nothing. [BBC]

• Hey, there's good money in libel! Josh Hartnett gets $30K from the Daily Mirror over allegations that he engaged in "steamy shenanigans" with a woman at the Soho Hotel. Wait, that's libel? [Times]
• You just can't trust that darn internet: Big Stage Entertainment has teamed with Splash News to allow people "to insert their 3-D faces into photos featuring some of Hollywood’s hottest celebrities." Wait, that's not libel? [BusinessWire]
• More good money: web design firm Illuminati Karate made $35K by grabbing the URL Georgewbushlibrary.com, then selling it back to the library, when Bush's web contractor accidentally let it expire. Heh. [TechCrunch]
• Roman Polanski wants to use Marina Zenovich's documentary "Wanted and Desired" as exhibit A in getting those pesky pedophilia charges dismissed; a representative for the Los Angeles DA's office says, "We're looking forward to seeing Mr. Polanski in Los Angeles to litigate it." I smell sequel. [Times]

So, 20th Century Fox is going to beam "The Day The Earth Stood Still" into "deep space," making it "the world's first galactic motion picture release." Free movies in space -- how thoughtful! Although it should be noted that Fox is by no means the first when it comes to silly marketing stunts designed to garner free advertising; for a primer, I highly recommend "Step Right Up! I'm Gonna Scare the Pants Off America," the autobiography of filmmaker William Castle. Among his many achievements were taking out a Lloyds of London insurance policy for anyone who was frightened to death by "Macabre," buzzing theater seats for his release of "The Tingler" and tried to create a tie-in with Gillette for a film that featured Joan Crawford as an axe-wielding murderess: "Go see 'Strait-Jacket' and then cut your head off with a Gillette." (Gillette hung up on him.) Sorry, Fox, you still have a long way to go.

All right, I'm impressed. Nerdoh is an online T-shirt company in the UK that appears to have a warehouse in the alternate universe that contains Jack Horner Movie Productions ("Boogie Nights"), the Titty Twister ("From Dusk Till Dawn"), Camp Crystal Lake ("Friday the 13th," of course -- does that one really need the little blood spatter?) and Umbrella Corp. ("Resident Evil"). They're good-looking logos and some are unnecessary (the motel from "The Devil's Rejects"? Really?), but what really gets me is the curators' (for that's what the owners are) obsessive nature. I didn't even remember that Eric Draven had a band in "The Crow," much less that it was called "Hangmans Joke" or that they produced an album, "Last Laugh." (I missed the foreshadowing -- dammit!) Do you know where Indiana Jones taught archeology? (Barnett College, of course.) And if the one for Cross Roads Mall doesn't get you, the one for Andy's Gun Shop will -- it's the place across from the mall that proved so very valuable in "Dawn of the Dead."

Not trusting its female guests to keep their bras on, Disneyland has swapped out "Pirates of the Caribbean" captain Jack Sparrow for the considerably more G-rated charms of "Tinkerbell" fairies. Disneyland spokeswoman Suzi Brown scoffed at the notion that the Sparrow character inspired tawdry behavior, calling the charge "absolutely false" and crediting the decision wholly to his decline in relevance and visitor requests. Well, who didn't see that coming, especially since Johnny Depp has agreed to reprise his role for the fourth time as the $2.7 billion franchise's smoky-eyed pirate. Disneyland says Sparrow will return to the park "someday" -- probably around 2012, which is when Disney has slated the next film for release. In the meantime, this nice fellow would like you to know that he's willing to travel and is available seven days a week. [KTLA -- thanks, Erin!]

Lowbrow artist Shag created a series of posters to celebrate Disney's Haunted Mansion (the amusement-park attraction, not the godforsaken 2003 Eddie Murphy movie.) Full gallery here. [Trendhunter -- thanks, Erin!]

Today would have been the 83rd birthday of Sammy Davis, Jr., who was more than $7 million in debt when he died 18 years ago. How that happened is the story of Matt Birkbeck's "Deconstructing Sammy: Music, Money, Madness, and the Mob;" what follows are new developments in how, his children claim, his legacy was lost and why they may be able to reclaim it.

Two months before legendary entertainer Sammy Davis Jr. died from throat cancer in May 1990, his manager Shirley Rhodes and three others walked into his room at Cedar's Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, told bodyguard Brian Dellow to leave, and closed the door behind them.  When they emerged some ten minutes later, Brian walked in and saw his terminally ill employer staring aimlessly out the window.

"What was that about?" said Brian.

Sammy said it was nothing, but Brian knew otherwise.

Years later Brian, a former British intelligence officer, relayed that story during a lengthy interview I had with him in July 2007.

"What was that about?" I asked Brian.

"They changed Sammy’s will,” he said matter-of-factly.

That will, which was probated in August 1990, named Rhodes and Sammy’s Cleveland-based attorney John Climaco as co-executors of Sammy’s estate. It also gave rights to Sammy’s “name and likeness” to his troubled widow Altovise, while leaving no provisions for Sammy’s three children. 

Following Sammy’s death, Climaco and Rhodes oversaw the dismantling of the estate, selling Sammy’s Beverly Hills mansion and auctioning what was left of personal possessions that weren’t looted from his home before and after he died. In addition, nearly $4 million in insurance money disappeared.

But Sammy’s $5 million IRS tax bill – in part the result of a Climaco-created tax shelter the U.S. Tax Court ruled was fraudulent – remained, and the sale of the home and possessions failed to put a dent in the massive debt, which left the IRS no choice but to take ownership of Sammy’s name and likeness and declare his estate insolvent. 

Altovise ended up living in poverty in Pennsylvania while Sammy’s rich legacy never recovered. 

Today, because of the tax debt, the man who was arguably the greatest entertainer of the 20th Century remains a distant memory while the multi-million dollar estates of other dead legends, including Elvis, Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, continue to thrive.

The story of Sammy’s tragic demise is told in my book, “Deconstructing Sammy,” which reports the numerous allegations by Brian Dellow and others close to Sammy of malfeasance and fraud perpetrated by his handlers, as well as the heroic efforts of a Pennsylvania attorney, Albert “Sonny” Murray, Jr., to right the wrongs that befell Sammy and his legacy.   

Murray, a former federal prosecutor who put E.F. Hutton out of business for check kiting in the 1980’s, subsequently spent seven years representing Altovise, ultimately settling Sammy’s debts, restoring his legacy, and getting Sammy his one and only Grammy Award (posthumously) in 2001. 

Unfortunately, even when fighting the good fight to restore a legend such as Sammy Davis Jr. to his rightful place in American culture, the care and respect shown by Murray counted little next to the forces that took Sammy’s legacy down in the first place, greed and more greed.

Altovise, wishing a return to her once glamorous life, replaced Murray in 2001 with managers whose only success was a Sammy Davis Jr. bobble-head doll. In the meantime, Murray’s IRS settlement was ignored, and Sammy’s estate again fell into tax hell, precluding once again any use of his name and likeness. 

But on the eve of what would have been Sammy’s 83rd birthday on Dec. 8, there is hope that Sammy could rise again.

Good morning! It's Monday, December 8, and "Australia" is still tanking! Fox spent $130 million on the sweeping, bodice-ripping, mustache-twirling, cattle-driving, Aborigine-loving epic and after two weeks it's made just $31 million in North America; whatever could have gone wrong? Anne Thompson explains it all for you:

For one thing, it's a sweeping, bodice-ripping, mustache-twirling, cattle-driving, Aborigine-loving epic. "The heart of the movie--the part that works--is the story of the half-breed Aborigine boy (Brandon Walters). But in order to make a Hollywood epic of big-budget scale and scope, Baz Luhrmann had to embellish that core, adding a western cattle drive, a bodice-ripping romance, wicked villains, an air battle and CG effects. How could any movie sustain all that?"

Other problems include spending studio budgets on arthouse epics; Nicole Kidman; a clawless and considerably less hirsute Hugh Jackman; crap marketing; crap reviews and the fact that Luhrmann waited until the last minute to turn in in his homework: "This trend of directors hanging on to their movies until the last minute and studios letting them get away with it should stop. This was not the kind of movie that could be sold in one weekend with ads... The smaller, less chaotic version of this movie might have had a better chance. Too bad."

However, all is not lost: There's no reason that "Australia" can't become a sweeping, bodice-ripping, mustache-twirling, cattle-driving, Aborigine-loving musical. Writes Thompson, "Fox should put the Broadway show into development forthwith." Indeed; all it needs is an exclamation point. "Australia!: The Musical," here we come. [Variety; ILLUSTRATION BY DANA HARRIS ]

WALL-E, via Bento box.

Credit and massive respect to kickedintheheadcomic and AnnaTheRed's Bento Factory blog. (Thanks, Jeff!)

This "Iron Man" photo...

began on Flickr, as this photo:

There's a great backstory; read it here. [Cinematical; photo credit: Adactio]

All these layoffs could even make a CEO nervous, which is probably why the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission took the trouble to remind all of them not to do anything stupid.

On December 2, SEC director Lori A. Richards sent an open letter to all SEC-registered companies specificially to say that no matter how difficult times get, there's no excuse or tolerance for shortcuts.

While many firms are considering reductions and cost-cutting measures, we remind you of your firm's legal obligation to maintain an adequate compliance program reasonably designed to achieve compliance with the law. As SEC Chairman Cox noted recently, "[E]xperience has taught us again and again that giving short shrift to regulatory compliance subjects a company's investors, employees, management, directors, and every other stakeholder to unacceptable risks….[C]ompliance programs have made huge strides in recent years in becoming more formalized and more robust…. Now more than ever, companies need to take a long-term view on compliance and realize that their fiduciary responsibility requires a constant commitment to investors. That means sustaining their support for compliance during this market turmoil, and beyond it as well."

Translation: With thousands of people losing their jobs every day, don't even think about it. Full letter after the jump. [CNS]

Not the way to start anyone's day, but the long-rumored Viacom layoffs have begun. It's 850 people, or about 7% of the global workforce, and many of those people will be informed today.

I've got two of the (no doubt) many official emails that will be going out to today across Viacom, the first from Viacom presidemt/CEO Philippe Dauman and senior executive VP/CAO Tom Dooley, the second from Paramount chairman/CEO Brad Grey. If you have others, please email me.

Bottom line: The cutbacks will hit everyone. Writes Dauman/Dooley:

Today, we are announcing a company-wide restructuring plan that includes staffing reductions in all divisions. This will result in a reduction of our worldwide workforce of approximately 7 percent, or about 850 positions. We are also suspending salary increases for the Company's senior level management in 2009. In addition, after a comprehensive review of our operations, we will write down certain programming and other assets.

And Grey:

These reductions are across the studio: accounting, business/legal affairs, corporate and government affairs, home entertainment, human resources, information technology, production, studio lot operations and Vantage.

Full emails after the jump.

UPDATE: Now with the text from the MTV Networks email from CEO Judy McGrath, per Gawker.

RELATED:

• 500 layoffs at NBC Universal [Variety]
• And here's the Universal memo from Shmuger/Linde [DHD]

Tom Arnold took the time to bare his misspelled, Oscar-craving soul on the IMDB message board for Damien Harris' child exploitation drama "Gardens of the Night," a film in which Arnold has received some good reviews for his portrayal of a thoroughly creepy pedophile.

The topic: "Is Tom Arnold Oscar-worthy?" A poster has his doubts ("Cmon get serious") and with that, Arnold is off to the races, writing, "I am about to make the cardnal sin of getting respect in the acting trade (followed only by marrying a major female star), responding in person to a resonable question about my self, my talent or lack there of."

An onslaught of namedropping follows and then there's this:

"I knew ‘him’..he lived across the street..he was so nice and as my babysitter, for a kid who's mom walked out when he was 4..heaven sent, he was..or was it hell? I 'researched' this man from the time I was 4-7 and is my performance 'Oscar-worthy'..hell yes. Will I be sad when the nonimations are anounced? For a second :) Besides, I'm not spending any more on adds or campaigns..and most of all, I'm Tom Arnold for godsakes...but HE and I know the truth, I was Oscar-worthy and that's good enough for me.”

Arnold's rep confirms he wrote it. It kind of makes me want to see the movie. [IMDB]

Operation Humble Kanye: We have our marching orders.

Prop 8 -- The Musical

A Funny or Die presentation of a musical in one act with music and lyrics by Marc Shaiman. Produced by Adam Shankman, Shaiman, Mike Farah. Directed and choreographed by Shankman. Camera (color), Michael Barrett; editors, Bradly Schulz, Drew Antzis; production designer, Nelson Coates; costume designer, Shanna Knecht; co-choreographer, Anne “Mama” Fletcher; sound, Frank Wolfe, Greg Hayes. Dec. 3, 2008. Running time: 3 MIN, 16 SEC. With: Jordan Ballard, Margaret Cho, Barrett Foa, J.B. Ghuman, John Hill, Andy Richter, Maya Rudolph, Rashad Naylor, Nicole Parker, John C. Reilly, Allison Janney, Kathy Najimy, Jenifer Lewis, Craig Robinson, Rashida Jones, Lake Bell, Sarah Chalke, Katharine “Kooks” Leonard, Seth Morris, Denise “Esi!” Piane, Lucian Piane, Richard Read, Seth Redford, Quinton Strack, Tate Taylor, Jack Black, Neil Patrick Harris, Marc Shaiman.

By DAVID ROONEY

The last time a starry cast like this was assembled for a video goof-off, it was to celebrate the sexual union of Ben Affleck and Jimmy Kimmel. But in “Prop. 8 -- The Musical,” a motley crew of TV, film, comedy and Broadway performers get together and pose as the Sacramento Community College Players to skewer homophobia and the marital union that’s too shocking to contemplate for the voters of California.

So what if by composer Marc Shaiman’s own admission it’s six weeks too late -- the song is funny, the performers have a blast mugging up a storm and the argument of shoring up the ailing economy by accessing the pink dollar is not without merit. Plus, there are other dividends. Outside of a bizarrely cast “Hair” revival, where else could you see an operatically earnest John C. Reilly crooning about sodomy? Or Allison Janney doing a backdoor bump? Or Jack Black trading his crazed rocker persona to play Jesus as a vaudevillian song-and-dance man, imparting the lesson that same-sex coupling is not so far from shellfish on the Biblical damnation scale?

Directed and staged with suitably faux-amateurish verve by piano-man Shaiman’s “Hairspray” buddy Adam Shankman, this three minutes-and-change is more about spotting all the familiar faces than marveling at anyone’s musical chops. But the performers are such a game bunch that even the cheesiest jokes raise a smile (abomination/Obama-nation). And when Neil Patrick Harris pipes up on the side of the gay-team to point out the money to be made from gay marriages, divorces and the subsequent removal of ex-lover tattoos, even the Mormon hysteria-mongers should start seeing dollar signs.

To hell with tonight's Grammy nominations. And whatever on the Sundance lineup. They've already published the only nominations that really matter -- the AVN Movie Awards, the porn industry's annual honorific orgy that takes place Jan. 10 in Las Vegas. They were released a week ago (two days before Thanksgiving?! Guys, whaddreya thinking?) and if anyone actually announced them, they'd still be talking: The nominations stretch on for a whopping 55 pages. Categories include MILF/Cougar Performer, Clever Title (my vote goes to "Charlie Wilson's Whore") and many others that I'd like to include but logic and propriety suggest otherwise. If you want to witness another endless award show for yourself, buy your ticket now; the event sells out. If you're content simply to see the list in its full bludgeoning glory, click here.

The 2009 Sundance lineup will be announced in about 30 minutes, which should give you enough time to read Eugene Hernandez's helpful primer for all 3,600 of the feature filmmakers who submitted their work for the festival's approval.

For the 120 or so who made the cut, Hernandez tempers the back-slapping with hard-nosed realities: "Merely being a part of the lineup doesn't guarantee that you or your film are going to get any attention, particularly from buyers and press." True that. As is his observation that Sundance 2009 "will be like no other in that it probably won't be as robust for big on-site acquisitions." So for all the money you've spent so far, prepare to spend some more and don't expect too much in the way of short-term returns. For those who were turned away, he provides a quick primer on the rest of the circuit, with the reiminder that "for many filmmakers your film festival tour is your de facto theatrical release." Caveat emptor. [iW]

Nirpal Dhaliwal says that Bollywood has adapted the concept behind the generally reviled Adam Sandler comedy "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" into "a terrific movie - the best and funniest Bollywood film I've seen in a very long time." Set in Miami, the film is "Dostana"  ("Friendship"), in which nurse Sameer and photographer Kunal pose as a couple in order to rent an apartment from an old woman who won't let straight men live with her beautiful niece.

Writes Dhaliwal, "It's a film that only Bollywood could pull off. Much of the comedy value is provided by the fact that everyone is Indian. The wailing hysterics of Sameer's Punjabi mother give way to love for her son's sweetheart, making for a very funny scene in which she performs Hindu marital rites on Kunal. Ushering the new bride into her family by marking his head with a tilak and placing a bowl of rice at his feet, Kunal tips it over the threshold with relish, delighted to convince Seema of her son's homosexuality as Sameer watches, grinding his teeth in the background." [Guardian]

• Leiber/Stoller pursue $2.7 million judgment attached to Elvis Presley songs such as "Hound Dog." Go, boys! [CNS]
• Former NBC Universal treasury manager gets 21 months for embezzlement, the old-fashioned kind: He stole it from a safe [CNS]
• Vegas cabbies know all: Their passengers love Cher at Caesar's, hate "Criss Angel Believe" [Las Vegas Review Journal]

Heads up, everyone: Financing movies? If you're doing it because you like premiere invitations, that's a great idea. If you're doing it because you like money, gee... maybe try one of those nice CD accounts? Four investment groups with names that suggest they should know better (Allianz Risk Transfer, Marathon Structured Finance Fund LP, Newstar Financial, Munich Capital Markets) are suing Paramount Pictures, saying they lost their entire $40.1 million investment "by misrepresenting the risks of a private placement offering to finance Paramount movies.... Plaintiffs say Paramount induced them to invest by lying about its risk mitigation and/or by changing its risk mitigation techniques without informing them." The companies were part of Melrose Investors, a group of hedge funds that put up 18% of the capital for 26 consecutive Paramount movies in 2004 and 2005; in return, they were supposed to receive 18% of the money Paramount made from the movies.

• The RIAA needs to chill: Latest target is a 19 y.o. transplant patient [p2pnet]
• Responses to last night's "Gran Torino" media screening? Oof. [Hollywood-Elsewhere]
• Homeless New Orleans families move into the Brad Pitt houses [AP]

So now there's a Grammy Museum, only it seems to be short on actual, you know, Grammys. Variety to the rescue! Our recent move to new offices exposed the darkest reaches of executive editor Steve Gaydos' questionable filing system and he found a fax that claims to commemorate the first time Amy Winehouse canceled a gig.

It's a letter dated Feb. 22, 2005 from Nick Godwyn, the man who discovered Winehouse when she was 16 and became her first manager. More importantly, he's also the man who inspired her hit "Rehab," according to the Times: "It was Godwyn’s attempt to encourage Winehouse to seek professional help at a clinic in Guildford, after discovering her in her Camden flat one day, crying inconsolably and skinny as a rake, that inspired her bolshie riposte in Rehab: 'I said, no, no, no!' "

However, first Godwyn wrote this letter to then-UIP chairman Stewart Till, apologizing for "your disappointment that Amy was unable to perform on the night of the 11th February." And isn't that a hell of a lot more impressive, not mention more relevant, than a goldish mini gramophone?

How long has Variety's Ben Fritz pounded on the idea that Sumner Redstone's Midway Games was a full-throttle loser? At least since June 30, 2005-- the day Redstone sent a fax that attempted to contradict Fritz's naysaying coverage. Apparently, Redstone was thoroughly irked -- enough to misspell "Ben Fritz" as "Den Fitz." You can find Fritz's article on the Midway fire sale here.

There are all sorts of reasons that Warner Bros.' American remake of the anime classic "Akira" could turn out badly. Here are some of them.

• Hollywood moguls take out full-page LA Times ad begging SAG not to strike [TBS]
• Possibility of free, porn-free wireless internet [WSJ]
• We've been in a recession since last year [WSJ]
• Luke Skywalker's lightsaber: yours for $150,000 [Radar]

So, hi! Thanksgiving's over, which apparently means we're meant to spend the next four weeks shopping until our heads explode (or someone dies). You're a bit skint? Then you're in luck, because I have found the bargain-basement item for everyone on your list: The Lindsay Lohan Barbie Doll. Who knew? Not many, apparently; originally priced at $19.95, it's now $7.99 and comes with a faux-fur coat, a director's chair and a portable golden velvet-rope-type-thing, which means wee Lindsay can feel special all the time, even if her asking price has been slashed by 60%. Also available: the Lindsay Lohan SUV Party Limo, but that's $110 and you'll have to hurry -- Amazon only has two left in stock.

Sorry so short today... had to spend most of my time packing for our new digs down the street. And I'll be off next week. Look for HAL to return full throttle December 1.

HAL's not much for celebrity news (Winona Ryder stories just make me sad), but sometimes the crimes are so egregious that you have a sacred duty to bring them into the light:

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simspon have named their son
Bronx Mowgli Wentz.

God knows the world does not need another Josh or Jason. However, the point of not choosing the obvious is to avoid the stupid, not to run headlong into its arms. [Gawker]