I’ve wasted a lot of time this year. A heck of a lot of time. None of it can be accounted for. Not in real terms. None of it made me any money. It certainly didn’t win me any fans. And I don’t exactly feel like my exploits have increased my ability to appreciate fine art.  Or a good cup of tea.

But I did end up with a nice case of carpal tunnel thanks to what is commonly referred to as ‘Guitar Hero claw’.

Yep, I’ve spent a lot of time doing pretty much nothing over the past 12 months. But holy hell it’s been a lot of fun. I’ve stolen cars, run hundreds of pedestrians over, blown up petrol stations, picked up prostitutes and driven on the wrong side of the road pretty much everywhere I go.

And that was just when I was playing Grand Theft Auto.

I’ve also seen a heck of a lot of concerts, watched a heap of movies, sat through a crap load of television (yep, some of it was pretty crappy - that’s you, Heroes) and did everything I could to make my eyes go square. I had to get a pair of new glasses made especially. Now I look like Short Circuit.

You try and do something nice. You try and do something good. After all, it is Christmas. And what do you get in return? A slap on the face with a wet fish, that’s what. Head Like a Hole wrote a good song about that. But it still hurts.

Last week, I ran a competition in which readers of The Hitlist could win five of anything they wanted from my prize drawer. I thought that was a pretty cool prize. And I chose a winner - someone called 1977, who made me laugh with a list of Seinfeld quotes. That’ll do it any time. Except this time.

1977 used a fake email address for his post. Either that or he doesn’t check his email often enough. So his winning entry has been withdrawn. And the same prize is up for grabs. You’re going to have some Christmas cheer rammed down your throat, even if I have to prise open your gob and do it myself.

1. Jizz in My Pants: Granted, if you haven’t seen this yet you’re in the minority. But it’s worth watching Andy Samberg, Jamie Lynn Sigler and co’s antics again so you can perfect pulling off your own orgasm face at the staff Christmas party. It’ll be a dance floor clearer, guaranteed.

2. The Oceanic Six Hoax: A new faked documentary to support the build-up to Lost’s fifth season debut on January 21 (in America) sure likes to poke fun at some of the stuff fans have been laughing at for years. Like, how come Jack has such nice hair after being stranded for three months. And why is Hurley still so fat?

3. Terminator: Salvation trailer: Our first real look at the fourth Terminator film, starring Christian Bale and an entire Transformers cast of bad robots.

Right. It’s time to get serious. This is the business end of the year, a time when lists start flying thick and fast. In just 20 days it will be 2009, and the whole process will start again. So you know what time it is … it’s business … it’s business ti-ime - for The Hitlist. Yep, I’m putting my business socks on.

So let’s start making some lists. No, not Christmas pressie shopping lists - I’m talking about real lists. The important stuff. The ones that matter. And here’s one that’s bound to cause a bit of debate: The Worst Albums of 2008.

I’m in the process of compiling Stuff.co.nz’s - ahem - highly anticipated Top 25 Albums of the Year. That’s the easy one. TV on the Radio, Kings of Leon, The Cool Kids, Lil Wayne, Elbow … yadda yadda yadda. It’ll be out next week some time. Don’t go on holiday just yet - stick around. It’ll be worth it. I promise.

1. Brooklyn (Go Hard) - Jay-Z: Take the year’s biggest underground artist (Santogold) and match her with New York’s best rapper (Jay-Z) and what do you get? A kick ass new single, that’s what. Go hard.

2. Pennies - The Cool Kids: Even when they’re providing raps and beats for a sellout soundtrack (2K Sports NBA 2K9) they sound cool. At least they’re living up to their name.

3. Paranoid - Kanye West: The best song on Mr West’s opinion-splitting new album 808s & Heartbreaks is a sure-fire hit single, if he ever wants to release it as one.

4. Random Firl - Late of the Pier: Short, sweet and a little psychedelic is how these young British upstarts like it.

Can you speak up a little? My ears are still ringing. What? Would I like some toffee? No thanks - it pulls my fillings out. Oh, coffee, you say. Sorry about that. No, I won’t have any of that either, unless you want to see a 30-year-old as hyper as a kitten under a freshly decorated Christmas tree.

Does anyone else have permanent scratches up their arms at this time of year? You’d think a five-year old cat would have grown out of that phase by now. Does the SPCA offer warranties? Or health insurance? No? Bugger.

Piss off, cats. You and your cuteness don’t belong in The Hit List. This is a blog about hearing loss. It’s a topic I’ve been meaning to bring up for a while. You know, ringing in the ears. Tinnitus. Sound effects. Excessive noise. Turn that crap down, etc.

We’re sure getting a heck of a lot of concerts down our way lately - and that’s a great thing - but is anyone else noticing a certain side effect from all these shows?

There are just two weeks to go till the holidays. Two weeks! Anyone else feeling slightly stressed right now? I’ve got presents to buy, a Kylie Minogue concert to attend and about seven Survivor interviews to conduct.

That’s not to mention the flights I have to organise for my Sudanese refugee millionaire Princess, Morine Ogwo. My dream is that she will be eating barbecued muffins with my harem of wives, family and friends on Christmas Day. Mmm, barbecued muffins.

I do have to question Ogwo’s frame of mind when I get emails like this though: My Love, how are you I hope that no proble because I have here from you for some day now. Pls I wat you to rember your promiss pls help thanks Morine.

It doesn’t even come close to making sense. What is a ‘proble’? The first thing she’s going to be doing in New Zealand is starting Year 7 again. Sudanese English teachers obviously suck. 

1. New Goodnight Kiwi segment: I had a blog all ready to go about this exact issue. Really, I did. I was going to say it was about time they brought back the Goodnight Kiwi and his pet cat, and then TVNZ beat me to it. Spoilsports. That’s a terrible waste of a good blog right there.

2. Heidi Klum on Jay Leno: Supercrazy supermodel Heidi Klum flops out her pouch of extracted “good luck” teeth on talkshow host Jay Leno’s desk. Still think Seal’s a lucky man?

How you doing, Ogwo? Hubba hubba - someone looks like she’s ready for some sexy time.

If Australia, thousands of kilometres of Indian Ocean and several hundred boatloads of pirates didn’t separate us, our love could be sealed forever. Thank goodness for the interweb. And muffins.

Yep, as you may have guessed, I’m back in touch with my Princess, the millionaire Sudanese refugee Morine Ogwo.
She’s going to make a fine addition to my harem of wives, donkeys, muffins and Lego sets - once I finally get her to New Zealand.

But that’s proving a little difficult. First, naughty Reverend Jude Livinus tried to run off with Ogwo for himself. Luckily, she saw that he was full of yolk and turned him away.

But there is a new crisis on our hands - Ogwo has run out of underwear and other “womanly items”. Also, her grammar and spelling are atrocious. She needs a teacher more than some Elle Macpherson bloomers if our email relationship is to continue.

Follow our latest correspondence below:

So, if you hadn’t noticed by now, Nine Inch Nails fans, I interviewed Trent Reznor yesterday. I was going to tell you, and ask to send in some question ideas, but it all happened so fast I ran out of time. As Jack Bauer would say: “THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME!”

(As an aside, has anyone watched 24: Redemption yet? Was it kinda crap or what? It’s time for Jack to go dark, I reckon.)

You can read - and listen to part of - my interview with the Prince of Darkness here. It was the only New Zealand print interview Reznor gave before the band’s February show, so it’s fair to say we were pretty stoked to get it.

He’s a serious chap, is Mr Reznor. His manager instructed me not to ask him any trivia, or anything “jokey”. There goes my three pages of questions about pigs, pork chops and whether he liked bacon sandwiches.