Thank goodness Michelle Yeoh is on the scene in that new James Bond film, Tomorrow Never Dies. Extreme feminists might say they should have made her James Bond and ditched the hair-helmeted, spy mannequin, and all his techno-gizmos.

But honestly, isn't giving Yeoh the Bruce Lee part revolutionary enough? Please, one major paradigm shift at a time.

Frankly, to this Asian American male observer, the thought of Yeoh as "Bond Girl," kicking some white male ass in the Battle of the Sexes, is oddly satisfying.

A foot in the groin is just what some of these guys need to break free of their outdated notion of Asian women. Guys like Terry Nichols and the late Larry Hillblom.

Nichols you know as the convicted bomber and managing general partner in the bombing firm Nichols/McVeigh, coming soon to a penitentiary near you.

Hillblom was a reclusive multi-millionaire and founder of the DHL air courier service, who died in a 1995 plane crash in Saipan, probably in search of virgins.

Both Nichols and Hillblom are the latest examples of White Male Swine who share a common vision of Asian womanhood. The problem is these guys got the wrong 'hood. The only way the bespectacled Nichols and Hillblom could have gotten it so wrong was to have smeared Vaseline on their glasses first.

How else could they have envisioned Asia as the last depository, the mother lode if you will, for black-haired beauties who are the perfect examples of servile, virginal, uncorrupted femaleness? What attributes! All that and they have the look of exotic porcelain dolls!

It's become the new chauvinist ideal of feminine virtue--especially among white males. Why be stuck with some sagging, aging "girl next door" who has transformed herself into a whiny, complaining "equality monger" hell bent on redefining the term "community property"?

Dump her now and go Asian, where the women are compliant participants in the traditional male/female equation, the "Me Tarzan, You Jane" idea of gender fairness, where women learn that it's their right to be thankful that men have soiled enough items to make a decent load of laundry.

Less than a full load? Don't despair. Laundry is but a portion of an unrelenting day that includes cooking, child care, and cleaning. But it's all worthwhile come the end of the day when the benefits of the job kick in. That's when the Asian woman greets her imperial man and performs her duty of loving, husband service. All done gratefully with a smile. The Asian female way.

When you actually find this fantasy, let me know.

The Case Against Mail-Order Brides

Unfortunately, when his order arrived a year later, Torres was practically postage due. She was six months pregnant with another man's child. This is called getting the mail-order marriage off on the wrong foot.

But there is no money back guarantee in this game. You can't complain to the Federal Trade Commission. The Nichols trudged on. And after seven years of marriage, the true test of love came during Marife Nichols' testimony at her husband's bombing trial.

She was the trial's best witness. But not for the defense.

Marife testified that in 1995 she was back in the Philippines considering ending the marriage and returning to school. She made a condition of her return that Nichols not spend time with McVeigh.

"I got jealous of him ... Terry would spend time with him," she said. It's one thing to be a football widow. But a survivalist/militia widow?

Marife also testified that she traveled to gun shows with her anti-government husband. She sold guns, boxes of those gourmet-packaged military meals, and 8-ounce plastic bottles of ammonium nitrate fertilizer. The kind that could be made to go boom.

But most damning of all, she told prosecutors Nichols lied to her and kept her in the dark about hanging out with McVeigh. Bye-bye alibi.

Revenge of the Third World Virgins

While the kids lived on just over $100 a month in Asia, Hillblom's estate contested their claims in court. Finally, after nearly two years, the estate settled for a reported sum of $90 million per child. Four others whose mothers claimed relationships with Hillblom will get $1 million each.

Do you think at the very least Hillblom's estate wishes he had used condoms?

These stories of the last few weeks may read like the "Revenge of the Asian Virgins," but it's far from a Male Swine wake-up call. Don't bet on things changing significantly. Impoverished Asian girls are still working in bars, all too willing to sell their bodies to get to a better place, orgasmic or otherwise. Others are still more than willing to go postal, taking their chances that their mail-order prince will be Johnny Depp and not Terry Nichols.

But one wonders if they'd all go legit if there wasn't this prevalent strain of fantasy--a White Male/Asian Female thing--lurking out there looking to be fulfilled.

That's where Yeoh-mama, Michelle Bond-Fu, comes in. She can be of service to mail-order fantasists and virgin conquistadors everywhere. Nothing like a well-timed heel to the groin.

Guillermo is host of NCM: New California Media and a regular contributor to AsianWeek.