THE ADVENTURES OF C.C. BANANA

C.C. DeVille and C.C. Banana

Over the last few days, we've been hearing about somebody named "C.C. Banana." We've gotten a few emails saying that somebody was dressed up like a banana at the Poison shows in New York and New Jersey calling himself "C.C. Banana," complete with a cardboard sign asking fans for money like C.C. DeVille does. Well we finally tracked down C.C. Banana and his accomplice, and here is their in depth report along with some photos. This sounds like something from the Tom Green Show!

Swallow This! The Adventures of C.C. Banana
Written by Ron Albanese, Banana Guard (based on a concept by AJ and myself)

INTRODUCTION

Ron: The world of Poison is a place filled with colorful characters like no other. There are the guys themselves, nurses, members of the Intergalactic Society of Bret Michaels Fans, or whatever that club is, and so on. How do you make a name for yourself?
In case you haven't heard, Poison wacky man C.C. DeVille has recently been entertaining himself and the band's fans by appearing at meet and greets wearing a sandwich board selling handshakes, autographs, etc. He says he's trying to raise money for an operation for his cat. He wants to get his cat a set (is that two or four?) of opposable thumbs. That's actually one of his (excuse the pun) tales about why he's hawking himself. He also mentions kennel fees from time to time. Yet another, though unstated, motivation may be a brilliantly sarcastic (though good-natured stab) at band mates Rikki Rockett and Bret Michaels, who have their own fan clubs.

AJ: Ron and I are both in the entertainment field, and have been Poison fans for 15 years (Ron: I actually saw the Native Tongue tour) The conversation for the 90-minute trip ranged from rock & roll to discontinued candy bars to some chick's ass. At some point we began discussing the nonsense with C.C. charging for his autograph and pictures and stuff. Apparently C.C. stands for "Currency Challenged?"
I looked in the back seat, and saw an enormous yellow fruit staring back at me. "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if I wore the banana suit to the Poison concert?"
*lightbulbs go off over our heads*
"Hey, wouldn't it be funny if the banana had a sign, asking people to pay him for his autograph and pictures and stuff?"
*Illumination with a brightness equivalent to the entire Poison stage lighting truss fills the car*

Ron: I was also motivated to work on this idea with AJ because our talking would drown out the Funny Money songs coming from his tape deck.

AJ: Technically, it was only one song by former Kix frontman Steve Whiteman's new band. The rest were by Aldo Nova, Dirty Looks and Adam Bomb.

Ron: We kept brainstorming and AJ soon decided he would henceforth only speak as "C.C. Banana," adopting an affect that was basically a carbon copy of the real C.C.'s voice.

"If you don't own my Samantha 7 album, you'll be completely lost when I release my next album, Samantha 8 (the follow-up to Samantha 7). Of course it'll all be followed shortly thereafter by the full box set of Samanthas 1 - 6."

"I wrote all the songs in Poison! "#1 Banana Boy," "Ride the Banana," "Every Banana Has its Thorn."

After someone mentioned Richie Kotzen, C.C. Banana wasted no time responding, "That bastard! We're going to putting out a remaster of Native Tongue replacing his playing with mine!"

We met some more people on the Poison pass line like the really fun and helpful Kiva, Jennifer, some Tori Spelling lookalike, Maria, Danielle, Lisa and many more (I'm bad with names, and there were guys, too). We went into the arena, and continued to circulate, trying to get the attention of Poison personnel. During Quiet Riot's set Poison's head security guy, Johnny Smoothie (who heretofore had absolutely no idea how ironic his nickname would become) endured a good one to two minutes of Kevin Dubrow's singing and came out to where we were and brought us backstage. C.C. Banana: "Is that me in my pocket or am I just happy to see you?"

A Sludgeaholic with C.C. Banana

(Note: Please read C.C. Banana's commentary in a Brooklyn accent for maximum comedic effect, and then picture it coming from a six-foot potassium holder)

AJ seized the moment and launched into his now-perfected Samantha 7 routine. Smoothie (with Rikki's digital camera) and Kiva the Photographer started shooting away. C.C. kept coming up with new ideas for photos, and bananas were peeled, and money (straight from Smoothie's wallet!) was thrown. The reclusive Bobby Dall (bass rapin' and heart breakin') appeared from nowhere with his son to pose with C.C. Banana, laughing his head off. DeVille was so funny ? he would pace around C.C. Banana, pause and then say something. At one point he peeked into C.C. Banana's head opening and said: "You're pretty smart," while waving his aforementioned banana, then added, "I can tell." It was absolutely hilarious.

Special Bonus Side Area: That Old Rivalry Thing Creeping Up?

Ron: When we first met Cecil, I kicked into "journalist" mode (quotes intended to appear humble) and I inquired about the future of the band formerly known as Paris: "C.C, will there ever be another Poison album?" Momentarily shifting his focus from C.C. Banana to me (though still keeping him in his peripheral vision) the guitarist sucked in some oxygen, and replied in a doubtful tone, "maybe." Laugh all you want, but I happen to like the Samantha 7 album. So, I sez: "You should bring the Sam 7 sound into the mix, it would be great." C.C. Banana swayed forward and backward in agreement.

Left to Right: Ron Albanese (Banana Guard who is wearing our Metal Slut Baby Doll!), C.C. DeVille, and C.C. Banana. We're not sure what's more disturbing...DeVille charging fans money to meet him, a guy in a banana suit doing the same thing, or a guy wearing a Metal Slut Baby Doll!

C.C. then continued, saying: "I think if you go back and listen to the albums, you can tell who wrote the hits."
Hmmm. I immediately began calculating in my head the number of hit singles that Poison had written by Bandana, er, Bret Michaels, and then by C.C. DeVille.
I hit a stumbling block, and hoped that the Stepmother could help clear things up.
"I could never tell, C.C, because you guys always split publishing." As if anticipating my response, he replied: "If you listen to Bret's solo album, you can tell."
While Bret's album is most definitely shall I say, uneven, I'm pretty sure he wrote "Every Rose" and "Something to Believe In," which were basically the biggest songs of Poison's career. As for C.C, I would assume he penned "Talk Dirty to Me," "I Want Action," and maybe "I Won't Forget You." I would bet you Bret's Ab Roller that the total is pretty close (with Richie Kotzen in third ? he co-wrote "Stand," right?)
Incidentally, I don't mean to stir up anything here. I think the sort of sibling rivalry Bret and C.C. have is common knowledge, and I hope that these two can realize that they're on the same team, and better together than apart; C.C.'s edge and Bret's classic rock and country leanings would blend well on a new album. Aw, hell -- maybe they should just let Bobby Dall all the songs.

C.C. Banana: "Am I hot in the banana suit? Yes, I'm hot! I'm all hot and sweaty and moldy, like the inside of Bret Michaels' headband..."

Ron: During Warrant's seat-clearing performance (you can practically see the fork sticking out of their collective back), C.C./AJ was just killing 'em near the concession stands. CCB: How ya doin' everybody! Come meet C.C. Banana! I'm a very famous rock and roll fruit! You wanna shake my hand? Two doll-eh! You wanna take my picture? Five doll-ehs! You're breathing my air? $6.50! After Show Show Rikki Rockett came out first, and cracked up on the spot, saying to C.C. Banana, "you're all over my camera!"

Rikki and C.C. Banana

CCB: You folks seen my buddy Bret's film, "A Letter from Death Row?" I was fortunate enough to see the original rough cut -- "A Short Note from Rikers"

Ron: The crowd parted when C.C.D. and C.C.B. met again. C.C. did some impressive standup material, and went back and forth with C.C. Banana. He also looked at him and said, "that's fucking genius." Upon leaving, he said, "I'll put you guys on the list for Jersey." Looking at his fruit counterpart, he concluded, "you don't have to wear the banana if you don't want to."

Night Two in New Jersey; Before and After Show Mayhem

Ron: The return of C.C. Banana was a rocky road to the after show meet and greet, which C.C. could not attend (he sent word to C.C. Banana that he was sorry, though). First of all, the Piney (that's a Jersey word for "hick") at the will call window was afraid of us -- you would think that AJ was dressed up as that original drummer from Tuff, Michael Lean.
"You are not on this list."
Maybe it's not under banana, I said diplomatically, and gave our real names.
"You are not on this list. You've been crossed off."
Before a spring popped out of his head, I went over to an event security person, who called the increasingly legendary Johnny Smoothie.
Meanwhile C.C. Banana is being groped by Charlie's Angels lookalikes, and jock-rocker types are giving him Devil's salutes and screaming his name. It turns out the moron had everything right in front of him. We finally get in.

CCB: But look at me, I'm the Unskinny Banana!

AJ: I made a new sign for this event. It was replacement for the original, which had been crushed beyond recognition from being repeatedly hidden from security up my banana ass. It featured an improvement over C.C.'s, in that it offered the option of "hugs for free." I had so many chicks' tits, hips, and cheeks pressed into me I felt like David Lee Roth circa 1985. One girl even slowly licked both sides of my face. I'm not sure how much money Mr. DeVille pulled in, but I made $11 bucks -- from people who insisted on paying me. One drunken shirtless guy stuffed $5 down my costume when I told him I was only kidding and wasn't really taking people's money. The prevailing mood of this surly NJ crowd seemed to be, "Hey, there's some ass in a banana suit! Let's beat the fuck out of him!"

C.C. Banana gets a hug from a hottie

CC Banana: I hate every banana in your body except me!

Ron: Still, AJ/CCB upstaged Quiet Riot. Their biggest hits (and Rudy Sarzo's electric appliance licking) were a sideshow to his tour through the entire venue, a 10-minute trip that left him exhausted. It was actually all kind of synchronized: I remember seeing Kevin DuBrow panting after lifting Carlos Cavazzo onto his shoulders just as C.C. Banana was almost fainting from heat exhaustion.

C.C. Banana: Kisses -- five doll-ehs! Tongue kisses -- ten doll-ehs! If you're a member of the Bret Michaels Intergalactic Fan Alliance -- eighteen bucks!

Post Script: Will There be a Sequel? (and We're not Talking About A Letter from Death Row)

AJ: After all is said and done, I'm not sure what was more exciting -- getting to meet C.C. DeVille after all these years, or kind of getting to be him for an evening!

C.C. Banana: Poor Bret Michaels. He shaved his head to make that movie, and his hair never grew back....

Ron: It was funny as hell to watch AJ bring C.C. Banana to life and poke fun at the real C.C. One cool aside for myself personally was not just referencing Xanadu, but telling Rikki Rockett (at the behest of his Ramones-fan associate Helen) that I learned to play drums to the first two Poison albums. Rikki is definitely quite the gentlemen and Poison in general was just great. I almost can't believe
1) how much Rockett goes out of his way to meet with fans,
and
2) how many chicks love him. I think this whole thing was a one, uh, two-time only happening ? there won't be a Mick Mars Mango, or anything.

Special Thanks: C.C. was just too cool about this whole thing, and he's just a funny guy. Big hellos and we owe yous to everyone we've hung with during the C.C. Banana East Coast Tour. Johnny Smoothie for President! Emy the Sludge Capture Girl for Vice President! Thanks to KoKo (CoCo?) Smith for quitting the band when he did.

Emy the Sludge Capture Girl gets captured at the show! This is the only known photo of Emy not wearing any Sludgendise!

Self Serving Area:

AJ is an improv stand-up comic who can be reached at cybercomic69@aol.com

Ron Albanese (www.ronalbanese.com) thinks the original version of "Sexual Thing" was just as good as the final one, and is currently writing Easy Catman, They are Serious: The Complete Guide to Kiss Meets the Phantom, due for release in 2003.
The press release is over at Kiss Asylum: http://www.kissasylum.com/vault/phantombook/index.shtml

Now here's a rare look at the back of C.C.'s sign

Here are a few of the other emails we got on C.C. Banana from various Sludgeaholics.

At the show at Jones Beach on Friday June 6, there was a man walking around in a banana suit holding a sign a la CC DeVille that said "CC Banana" followed by prices for handshakes, autographes, and pictures. The banana talked like CC and WOULD NOT shut up about his band Banana 7 etc, etc. Well, his banana-brain antics paid off, as he scored backstage passes and, as seen in this picture, got to meet CC. The man that was hanging out with him happened to be wearing a Metal Slut WOMEN's baby doll tee. I didnt' get a pic of that, but I thought you guys should know that sludgaholics are cross-dressing with your sludgendise. Anyway, enjoy this picture of CC DeVille and CC Banana.

Lissy Lemons

Just got back from the Glam Slam Metal Jam here in Holmdel, NJ. The show itself was awesome from all aspects, but I am sure someone else will send you a great review of it, that's not what this is about... This email is about C.C. Banana. There was some person dressed in a GIANT banana costume walking all around the place with "C.C. Banana" written on the costume, and another sign on the back of it saying "final appearance". Now this is not all, there was another guy following him around with a pizza box, written on the pizza box was "kisses: $2.00 tongue kisses: $4.00 autographs: $5.00 hugs are free" or something to that effect. It was pretty damn funny, although I don't think everyone there really "got" it. There were alot of people taking pictures with the banana and hugging the banana. These two guys went everywhere, everytime security stopped to say something to them, they wound up shaking it's hand and leaving it alone. Of course, anyone who knows anything about the security at PNC Arts Center knows there is nothing particularly scary about 15 year old girls with flashlights. BUT ANYWAY, the show was awesome, VH1 was there taping something or another (pretty fucking sad when VH1 is the only channel showing decent music). Jani didn't try to bum anything off of the crowd, and everyone put on an excellent show. I especially thought the little kids coming out during Enuff Z'nuff's set were cool, who were they anyway? That's all I have for you Sludgeholics, hope you at least get a laugh out of it!

Shannon

Sludge Masters,
I saw the funniest thing at the Poison show at Jones Beach this Friday. There was this dude walking around the arena wearing a giant banana suit, with a big sign that said "CC BANANA" with prices for handshake $2, picture $3, autograph $25! And he was acting JUST like that cheap bastard CC!!! He was talking in the same dumb voice, just totally ripping on him. "Buy my next album, it'll be called Samantha 8..." "You just breathed my air, that's $4.50" And he just kept asking fans for money. This was the funnies thing I have ever seeen! I didn't have my camera with me but I saw lots of people getting pictures with him, and lots of sludge shirts, so there may be people sending you stuff. But in case not, I just had to tell you. FU CC!!

Grant Somers

Hey Sludge,
I just got back from the Glam Slam Metal Jam Tour at Jones Beach, NY. Overall a great show! Arrived at the venue around 5, an hour before showtime, and people were drinking and blasting music in the parking lot. Some guy dressed up like a banana, and had a very similar voice to C.C. was walking around with a cardboard sign, that said $2 handshakes, $5 autographs, etc. It was pretty amusing, he kept saying "Hi Everybody, Im C.C. Banana, Shake my hand for $2, and pay for something that nobody in their right minds should want anyway." Anyways Enuff Znuff hit the stage first, maybe infront of a little more than a thousand people, they played a decent set, but the crowd wasnt really into them. Quiet Riot was next up, place about half full, put on a good show got the crowd a little enthusiastic for later that evening. Warrant up next, the place was almost packed by then. Jani let everybody in the crowd basically sing Heaven and I Saw Red. Warrant definately put on a good show though. By the time Poison hit the stage the place was just about packed except the upper, upper level, which was just built on a few years ago. Great show by Poison, had everybody on their feet for the whole entire show. The key board player for Cinderella played key boards when Poison did Something To Believe In. The editor for Guitar Player Magazine helped out on Every Rose Has Its Thorn. They also did "Cry Tough" Brett said it was the first time they played that since 1987 when they opened up for Ratt. The encore they did Talk Dirty To Me, and after Brett said they would be back next year with a new album out in May. End of show.

- Sludgeaholic Christian

Sludge: Hey crackstaff... the Stalker here, but I'm afraid reality isn't... haven't slept since Friday nite, I guess it's a game now to see how many more caffeine pills I can down and how many more hours I can stay up... ah yes, Poison hit *nearby* this weekend, and they are my best friend's favorite band, knowing I'd do the same for Lizzy shows, I went with her to Boston and somewhere in NJ this saturday and sunday for more shows... 4 down, 3 more to go I guess!!! Like you want all the gory details about no sleep, hardly any food, NO showering, crazy crackheads, nasty bus stations, and all that fun shit so I'll get right down to the important shit: I MET EMY!!!!! Damn, what a sweetheart. I was waiting in line to meet QR and I thought I saw her, but she wasn't wearing a sludge shirt (neither was I that nite....) but I went up and asked if her name was Emy, and she responded with, "Are you Lisa?" sheeshh... a small Sludge world!!! We talked all through Warrant's set and then after Poison as well... she is so nice, down to earth, really nice person!!! Still can't believe she is so young tho! Damn!!! Saw about 7 Sludge shirts in Boston I think...

Onto Jersey... my faith is re-newed in that horrible state, we met some cool people! I got to meet "VirginSlut" (or spouzic, to you Chat room sludgeaholics...) once again, I wasn't sure so I went up and had to ask!!! She too is a total sweetie! Saw Emy again that nite, surprised she could understand a word of my slurring since I was by that point shaking and totally cracked out on vivarin... when I met Frankie that nite I bought up the shitty incident on the Enuff z Nuff bus, and imagine my horror when I asked if there would be another entry up soon and he said that one did go up on Friday... damn, that's what I get for not going to Sludge for a few days!!! He's so damn nice tho, when he was talking in his diary about the looks business, whoever says shit about him also needs to lap up some acid... he's cool as hell and always willing to talk about Sludge with me, even if it is only for a minute or so as security keeps that line moving... damn... one of these days I wanna get a capture with him...

Ok, anyways, uh, Sludge? I gotta tell you about this C.C Banana character... I hope I am not ruining any kinda surprise or anything, but shit! It needs to be said!!! Before Rikki's meet n greet, I seriously thought I was hallucinating when I saw a guy in a banana suit with a sandwich board saying, "Handshake, $5, Autograph, $23, etc..." I could only laugh, I figure that the fact that I had been up for almost 40 hours had something to do with seeing it, but no... he was real. And after a while, he got REAL annoying too!!! But all I could do was laugh... if Banana boy ever sees this, dude, I'm sorry I was such an ass to you, but I was in a weird ass mood sunday nite, no sleep, no real food, no shower, no change of clothes, nothing "luxurious" like that... the poor bastard almost got tripped by me but my legs were too short... so he had to turn around and make a comment about my legs, I could only respond with a middle finger. I think he said something nice tho.. when he had his back to me, I kicked the sign out of his hand as well, I think I pissed him off! His photographer following him had on a "Metal Slut" shirt under his top, don't ask.... I saw another sludgeaholic wearing the Skid Row red shirt, also following them... but I don't know... I saw a banana on my way to work this morning and almost pissed myself!!! Met Rikki after both shows, those poor guys definitely need a break!

later sludgestaff... The Stalker

Sounds like The Stalker was getting kind of violent! Settle down!

The moral of this post is to always be nice to fruit. They have feelings too.

We need more Sludgeaholics to do whacky shit like that! We love stuff that makes no sense and keeps people on their toes. Props to Ron and AJ for coming up with that!

I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of C.C. Banana.