I was reading "The No-Cry Discipline Solution" last night (because I'd like to discipline without the tears and tantrums!), as recommended by my psychiatrist, and found author Elizabeth Pantley's points for building a strong parental foundation to be ones that I can incorporate into my mental health program. Here they are:

1. The big picture is more important than any one action.

To even attempt perfection would be ludicrous and stressful, yet ... most of us criticize ourselves unnecessarily over every negative situation.

2. Relax more and stress less.

View the little things for what they are--little things--and don't let them get in the way of taking pleasure out of every single day.

3. Play more.

You don't always have to have one eye on the clock when you're immersed in playtime....Let the answering machine pick up a few more messages. Ignore the ding of incoming e-mail messages on your computer.

4. Give yourself more credit for what you do right and don't examine so intently the things you do wrong.

Do your best, learn from your mistakes, and appreciate that you are doing a grand and important job. Give yourself a pat on the back, and give credit where credit is due. You are doing a better job than you think.

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Related to "12 Bricks of a Strong Mental Foundation" are these tips on how to honor yourself from Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, who moderates The Soulmate Project on Beliefnet. Click here to begin her gallery of techniques on loving yourself.

Here's the intro:

"To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness." - Robert Morely 

Love is one of the most powerful energies on the planet. We are born with love in our hearts, and it lives within us all. But some of us put so much focus on finding love and approval "out there" that we never get a chance to truly develop it within ourselves. We look for it in the external world--from parents, partners, friends, bosses, new people we meet, people we admire. If any one of them disappoints, devastation follows.

How many times have you been hurt because of someone else's opinion of you? When we experience self-esteem only through the eyes of others, one unkind word or a bad mood in another can shatter our sense of self.

Are you feeling the love? If not, it is time to take our self-love challenge--10 tips and techniques to help you enhance your life by cultivating love from within.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.

Dear God,

In the Gospel of Matthew (16:13-20), we read:

Jesus went into the region of Caesarea Philippi and he asked his disciples, "Who do people say that the Son of Man is?" They replied, "Some say John the Baptist, others Elijah, still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets." He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" Simon Peter said in reply, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." Jesus said to him in reply, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah. For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my heavenly Father. And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven."

This is one moment in which Peter said the right thing, and that didn't happen too often. In fact, peppered throughout all four gospels are the clumsy Peter stories: when he argued that he was most beloved by Jesus to the other disciples, when he denied that he was a disciple of Jesus (three times), and (my favorite) when he tried to walk on water and, well, sank. (HELLO?? ... Peter, you ain't divine like the Lord, and your faith appears shallower than the water you are swallowing.)

But the fact that Peter was awarded the "rock of the church" honor despite all of his weaknesses brings home your point, God: that you love us for who we are, and you love us despite our sins. Peter reminds us that we need to remain humble of heart. Which means knowing that we will always be defective without you, and that we can be confident of your love even in our sinfulness. In "The Jerusalem Community Rule of Life," it is written:

Humility should remind you first that you are only a creature. Remember that your strength if from the Lord. Like Peter, acknowledge that you too are only a man, a mortal man like everyone else. And that to be pleasing to God, the greater you are, the more humble you should be, for great is his power, he is honored by the humble. Be willing, then, to be a mere creature before God, and through such fear you will penetrate his secrets. 

Humility should also remind you that you are still a sinner. That is the grace of God that makes you what you are. He did not come to call the righteous but sinners. Humble repentance alone can justify you...The man who knows his own weakness is greater than the one who contemplates the angels.

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My friend Jim Martin took the name of Peter as his vow name. Here's why, as he explains in his bestseller "My Life with the Saints":

Understanding Peter's humanity was a liberating insight for me. For if God calls each of us individually, he calls us with both our gifts and our failings. And it is in our failings, and in the parts of our lives that embarrass us, that we are often drawn closest to God.

For all these reasons, I ended up choosing Peter as my vow name. I wanted to remind myself of the way God loves us.

Everyone needs to be reminded of this: it is difficult to accept that God loves us as we are, with our limitations, as well as our tendencies to sin. Certainly God is constantly calling us to conversion, to turn from any sinful behavior. And certainly God asks us to cast off anything that keeps us from following him more closely. At the same time, God is always inviting us to follow him, with a full and forgiving knowledge of our human nature.

In a passage written by one of the General Congregations of the Society of Jesus, there is a surprising definition of a Jesuit. "What is it to be a Jesuit? It is to know that one is a sinner, yet called to be a companion of Jesus." This is what it means to be a Christian. Being a Christian means being a "loved sinner."

But you come along and say it is there, when we have brought our weaknesses before you, that we are most mighty.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.

Because I'm on vacation this week, I've decided to publish posts from the two-week test pilot of Beyond Blue back in October of 2006, two months before its initial launch in December 2006. We've come a long way!

Ghandi once wrote that "the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." The "happy doctors," scholars who study the science of optimism rather than mental illness, say that charitable works win you greater self-esteem, and altruism can even increase your immune system.

They make it sound like if you worked for a homeless shelter you wouldn't need meds. Which is what I thought for two months last fall.

After medication combination #17 didn't work, I sought a holistic psychiatrist. Our plan was to wean me off my meds (even though I was still suicidal), and pump up my meditation, yoga, vitamins, and service work. Speaking from experience (he had endured a two-year depression that almost cost him his job and his marriage), this doctor claimed that his time at the soup kitchen on Saturday mornings is what ultimately pulled him out of the hole.

I signed up to tutor college students in writing. I contributed to food and clothing drives at church. And I lugged David and Katherine around to visit some elderly people in our neighborhood. But it wasn't enough. I still wanted to die.

One evening Eric walked through the door from work to find me sobbing (no big surprise there), and holding the faucet for balance as my shaking hands tried to load the dishwasher.

"I need to volunteer for the homeless," I said. "That will help. My problem is that I'm too self-absorbed. If I see people without shoes, I'll stop shaking."

"Bull," he said. "Absorbing the world's problems isn't going to cure you. This isn't about doing more good in the world. This is about an illness for which you need medication."

"Service work pulled Dr. F out of his depression."

"He doesn't have the same chemistry as you."

I finally gave in, not because I thought serving soup wasn't beneficial, but because if I was still trembling, I couldn't hold a ladle. Which is a good lesson for all depressives. Losing yourself in service is a way to find yourself. But make sure you have the balance to hold that ladle, or you won't be of much help to anyone.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.

Because I'm on vacation this week, I've decided to publish posts from the two-week test pilot of Beyond Blue back in October of 2006, two months before its initial launch in December 2006. We've come a long way! When I...

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Because I'm on vacation this week, I've decided to publish posts from the two-week test pilot of Beyond Blue back in October of 2006, two months before its initial launch in December 2006. We've come a long way! Just before...

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Because I'm on vacation this week, I've decided to publish posts from the two-week test pilot of Beyond Blue back in October of 2006, two months before its initial launch in December 2006. We've come a long way! I found...

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Because I'm on vacation this week, I've decided to publish posts from the two-week test pilot of Beyond Blue back in October of 2006, two months before its initial launch in December 2006. We've come a long way!  I know...

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Because I'm on vacation this week, I've decided to publish posts from the two-week test pilot of Beyond Blue back in October of 2006, two months before its initial launch in December 2006. We've come a long way! Throughout my...

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