I have been divorced for about 10 years and I am now in a serious relationship with a God loving, wonderful man. See, my ex was a non-beleiver, my high school sweetheart and my first, everything. My new relationship is such a spiritual one and I am enjoying every moment of it. This man has so much faith and love for God that it has made me soo much closer to God myself. While our relationship is growing we have decided to wait until marriage to have sex. Since I did not wait the first time this is a very important decision we have made and a huge commitment to each other, I was curious to see if there are others out there who have been divorced and decided to wait until they got married the second time to have sex.

Hi Aqua,

I guess "no" since your post has been posted for awhile now. But I thought your question is very interesting and intrigued. I guess I was waiting to see if anyone would response because most people valued that in the first marriage more than the second marriage. Is it hard to wait for the marriage? I wouldn't imagine the anxiety that would place on a relationship. I guess I was talking about my anxiety before the wedding. I was 19 and a virgin before the wedding and very naive in many ways. I couldn't imagine what sex would be for the first time. On our wedding night, when I saw my hubby's private for the first time, I was fainted literally. I didn't know that thing can grow....My hubby was mad at me for the whole week in our honeymoon......

Good things always come to those who waits....and I wish that will happen to you....

Best wishes
QT

I hope with all my heart that what you believe is true. Having said that, few divorced men choose to wait I believe. When they do perhaps their is a reason. Are you sure that the only reason he is willing to wait is a religious one?

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May you walk in peace
and know that you are loved

Blessings
dah

Hi Aqua

I related my experience in “late life marriages”. My wife was divorced 27 years before we got together (on a Beliefnet dating website). We learned much about ourselves as we corresponded. Our first meeting was fine and all subsequent ones added to the idea that we would both benefit and be satisfied by a long term relationship.

I asked my wife to live with me in my RV during the winter. She pondered, and asked her children. They said. “Mom you are over 70 and have an opportunity to live again. You would be out of your mind not to.” Things turned out well and we did marry after a year together being called “newlies” by our friends in Florida.

As to sex, we think it is an important part of our relationship and that we are both mature and realize this. We attend a Baptist church that refused to marry us because we were living together, but have no hard feelings (no pun intended). We currently are active in our church and are welcomed in spite of our “sin.”

We have shared our story with many second timers like ourselves and there seems to be universal agreement that spending time together, and having sexual relations, is a good idea not only because it is healthy, but it is part of a discovery period. You only learn about people when your are intimate with them, and there are many reasons why a couple should and might not want to spend the rest of their lives together. Sexual compatablity is one of the important ones.

Good Luck and God Bless.

My husband was married before, for 16 years, before his wife died. He had been single again for about 7 years when we first met. Although he had been in relationships during the interim, he just hadn't found the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Having lived with women he was both married to and not married to, he knew from personal experience that marriage was not necessary. At least, not for him. The fact that we did later marry was driven by factors other than our feelings for each other, as I have stated elsewhere.

Dusty

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"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak, Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Winston Churchill

well I think that you should have sex myself. I was very in experienced in that area amd didnt know anything, now i am the extreme and want some all the time but have been in a sexless marriage for years.I would say that you should put on spmething sexy and see where it goes, no red blooded amercian man is going to turn down sex unless he is one of three things, impotent , a monk , or un interested. or dead. espcailly when you are in a new relationship, i do mean after months after knowing one another but before i do. You would be surprised how diifferent people are that way, and after i do its too late to turn back for some. then you are stuck. so put on a nightie and find out. i dont think hes waiting for religious reasons though, it could be a health problem, and if so he needs viagra now, before i do. believe me, you best find out now, like everyone else here is telling you to do. Its true, you have to be sexually compatoable also, before I do. Because what if you arent, you need to find out now, and i can only imagine how frusterated you are. Find out now aqua before its too late., oh i forgot one other reason he wouldnt, gay. and hiding behind marriage to mask it, believe me i have went through all the scenarios, you will find my post else where to get a better picture of what i dont wont to happen to you years down the road.

I tried to!!!! Unfortunately, we failed.

I wish you both Godly success in this area. It's so important.

I'm really excited for you!

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Nicole

I pray for good fortune in everything you do, and for your good health--that your everyday affairs prosper, as well as your soul! - 3 John 2 (Message)

I think what you are doing is great! I know someone that is in the same exact situation as you are and if waiting a second time is important to you then wait. Don't listen to those people that say that you have to have sex to know the person better. That is not true at all! Sex is a gift that God gave us to enjoy with the person we love. Yeah, you can love alot of people, but that doesn't mean you should have sex with all of them! I think you are doing a great thing. Even though you've been married and had sex before, who says you can't start over a second time and do things the right way? I am so glad to know there are people out there like you! I think what you are doing is awesome!

I was at a singles conference last year and the main topic was on sex and waiting. Toward the end, I was pondering a lot that was said, and didn't understand the depth of the struggle. So I asked God about it. He unfolded my life in the area of sexuality. First of all, I will say that much of what I will say has been said far better, and more thoroughly in Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections between Sexuality and Spirituality, by Rob Bell.

What God unfolded to me is that when I was in high school and college, I didn't have sex because I was so shy except for once in college. Although I had been raised in the church, I had a lot of distortions about God (Dale and Juanita Ryan do a great job here). I met Jesus when I was 21, and when I was 27 or 28 I asked God to introduce me to the woman He had planned for me. Then I relaxed, with a trust that He knew best. I was able to devote myself to what ever He had for me to do, and our fellowship grew. Before He introduced me to Kathy, He showed me that self-control (that last fruit of the Spirit) would later be transformed into fidelity. It was not easy, and we came so close to having sex many times.

We were married for 8 years when my ex-wife decided that was enough. I was shattered, but also given grace to look at my part in the breakup, and grace to wait for her return (as I also came to understand that some of what she was hating in me, she was hating even more in herself, and I was just a convenient person to blame.) So I waited. I wanted companionship. I hated the loneliness. I wanted the connection, and the fun that sex brings. In the midst of it I read Elisabeth Elliot's book on loneliness, and realized that some of the choices I was making were the right ones.

At that conference, I reflected on the waiting, and the choices, and the hopes (as I had met a couple of wonderful women there.) And what God showed me was that the grace He had given me to wait for my wife's return, and the path of walking through the fear of loneliness, and the choosing many times to work on preparing a gift for a future wife for our wedding night were all tied together, and indeed were a gift from Him.

No one plans to get out of a relationship, when they are getting into it. I certainly didn't anticipate getting out of the relationship with my wife. Sex makes it harder to leave, even when you know it is the right thing to do.

I was seconding the post above, but I realized that they were just seconding what God's thoughts were. Sex outside of marriage is outside of His highest good, and can be downright dangerous for his children (physically, emotionally, and spiritually -- as you become one with them). He is a loving God, and always wants to keep His children safe, and to give them His best.

Signed,

A full-blooded, passionate, sex loving man, who knows he has a loving Father.

What's important is that you do what you think/know/feel is right. If you believe that waiting is the right thing to do, despite all the cultural messages we get to the contrary, then do so. Don't you ever wonder why waiting until marriage became so old-fashioned and odd?

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For for those who hate us and those who love us, and for the soul of every Orthodox Christian, Lord, have mercy!