The Swann's Swimmings

Well, it's that size of jeans again. Time to shed just a few pounds to return to my favorite jeans, not the "Warning! Warning" pair. Despising exercise, I prefer to play instead. I am trying a MyFitnessPal app. It amuses me, at the very least. However, if I choose not to change shape, I get rewarded with new fat clothes. This has inspired me to write a book, "New Clothes Now!". Chapter 1 begins by disparaging the idea of buying anything in a size you don't want to be. Chapter 2 encourages you to purchase the clothes as you wish to be. Chapter 3 simply explains how you have to wear them, even when you're too big, as a personal, social pressure to make them fit soon. Chapter 4 only contains pictures of people in Wal-Mart, wearing disgustingly too small clothing. Chapter 5 offers a removable vomit bag from looking at some of the previous chapter's photos. Chapter 6 restates the idea of often buying clothes as a reward for being the right size and not buying them for being the wrong size. Pardon me for not writing too long here; I need to go explain to my dear husband how it's time to go shopping every 1st of the month for new clothes, from now on, unless he wants me to become fat.

On Sunday we drove past a house with a very large, handwritten sign. It read, "Free Dogs (pupies)" and then told us to ask inside. How honest! Dogs are certainly poopy, even if they did misspell it!

For the first time in thirteen years, I'm going to work full time. Wow! More of my time will soon be available with Sarah Lucy going off to school. I am in the mood to be much more social than I have been the last few years. So I'm slated to be a special needs para at the middle school. Another adventure, here I come!

A couple weeks ago, my husband, Caleb and I went to Mobridge to run a few errands and also get our car windshield replaced. While we were waiting for the mechanics to be done, we sipped coffee at the grocery store.

Caleb texted. He looked up and asked me how to spell "ornery" and I replied with O-R-N-E-R-Y. He said that wasn't working. Steven misheard and tried spelling it H-O-N-O-R-I-N-G. Caleb corrected him by explaining that he wanted the word that meant naughty or mischievous. Steven spoke to his smartphone and asked it to look up ornery.

The first answer it gave was, "Call Emily Kroontje." No kidding. No wonder we love the Kroontje's!

We're packing, sorting, and preparing to move by August 1. What a perfect time to get rid of dead weight!

A thought keeps running through my head. I heard a pastor once talk about how much we now value our stuff and use it to identify us, rather than use it to fulfill a purpose for us. He went on to say that not too many years ago a missionary family would leave to serve overseas with just a suitcase in each hand. Nowadays, a missionary family often fills a shipping container with just their basics, according to him. He wasn't pointing a dig at missionaries so much as jabbing us all for the misplaced importance we put on our belongings.

Today, as I was sorting, I kept asking myself, "Would I need this overseas?" Almost always, the answer was no. Sometimes I opted to keep it anyway. At least it became an intentional decision rather than just putting every silly little item I own into a cardboard box.

A simplified life has less stuff to consume thoughts. Therefore, more mental space for creativity. Again, I am searching for space. Go, Home Astronaut!

I have a funny story to tell in a few days, but first I need to get permission from the person involved. Check back for a laugh!

While traveling, my children refused to play a game I made up: Instead of calling heads or tails, anytime we'd pass a field of cows the goal was to find one with its tail up and quickly call Pee or Poop. Then watch the chosen cow for who won the call. They thought that was disgusting.

Much later down the road (this is a true story), I saw two billboards side by side. One advertised the Chief Motel and Restaurant; the other showed Collicut Taxidermy Services. The motto read, "Where quality comes first." Guess which one? That, of course, makes me wonder about the quality standards of the other.

Soon we are moving to Ulysses, KS! Woo hoo!

Hints for a Great Manicure/Pedicure

1. Don't drink two large coffees before sitting down.

2. If you do anyway, don't try to hold it until after the manicure is done. Your nails probably won't dry as fast as you're hoping they do.

3. If you do anyway, don't wear white capri pants.

4. If you do anyway, don't let them be the ones with not one, but two buttons above the zipper.

5. If you do anyway, don't worry about washing your hands with only paper towels to dry them. The manicure is already done and the little manicurist girl really won't notice if you washed or not.

6. If you do anyway, at least don't have chosen bright red nail polish that will show each smudge along the poorly chosen path.

7. If you did all this anyway, join the club with me. I get to be president, though.