AngryBlackBitch

This bitch has a busy weekend planned.

Fresh tube of MAC Underworld lipstick...check.
Proper quantities of Excedrin for post party recovery...check!
A calendar full of social-based events with fantabulous people...check.

Ahh, how a bitch loves the social season.

On a personal note…

Dear Ms. Nicole Richie,

A bitch had no fucking idea who you were until Paris Hilton of the vacant stare and ho’ish flare Hilton’s splashed your feud all over the television. You soon dropped out of my mind…until all this talk about your thin…very thin…ooooooh, someone get that child some grits thin self hit the television sorta-news cycle.

Ms. Richie...Nicole...I sincerely hope that you recover from...umm, well you say it isn’t an eating disorder…what the fuck is it then?...if you were an infant, they would call it a failure to thrive.

***cough***

A bitch sincerely hopes that you recover from your failure to thrive!

As an expert in weight gain and holding on to the weight post gainage, this bitch would like to offer my assistance!

That’s right, Nicole! For the low, low fee of $1 million dollars (cash) this bitch will teach you the secrets of eating to gain.

Classes would include…

Cornbread – Not Something to Dread
Grits and Farina – Fun with Butter and Honey
And my personal favorite…
Ice Cream – The New Breakfast of Champions!

Call me, m'dear.

Oy vey!

Chil'ren, all this denial and interview based for press maximization denial and then treatment center entrance followed by additional denial of what may or may not be a rather serious thang for a somewhat insignificant celebrity is beyond tired.

Who made these chil'ren fear cornbread?

And why do I give a shit?

Glad you asked.

The other day my mentee, who is 13, asked me if she looked fat. Some boy told her she was and she really, really, really…really, really, really likes him…so "should she loose weight or not?". She followed that up with..."I wanna be thin like ***some celebrity a bitch can't remember***!"

Lawd!

This child is thin already. Her family is poor and food is not always around. Nutrition? Shit. Her body image concerns and response to some young man at school bothered me all the more because my mentee has enough shit going on to add the thin-like-her game to the list.

Sigh.

Turn on the television set…flip though a magazine…listen to the radio…and the discussion is about weight.

Network news anchors manifest split personalities on the topic…this week's diet is featured on Monday while childhood obesity is featured Wednesday with cooking segments scattered about covering nutrition and greed and everything in between.

Layer on the celebrities and there’s no wonder why my beyond broke one meal a day eating and thin enough already to concern me mentee is considering a diet.

If Nicole has an eating disorder, then I wish she would disclose...the public she courted is watching and taking notes. If not...well, a bitch is available for those eating lessons.

This shit makes me wanna holla…throw up both my hands (wink)…and tell the world that cornbread may be a 'sometime food', but the eating of it is not something to dread...

A certain Jeremy has asked for a bitch’s thoughts on Senator Obama’s possible run for President in 2008.

I thought Senator Obama’s keynote speech during the most recent Democratic National Convention was amazing. It moved me to tears…and inspired me in a way I hadn’t been inspired in some time.

There is a huge part of me that wants Senator Obama to run just to have the ‘audacity of hope’ become a part of our national discussion.

Sigh.

But a bitch needs more than an inspiring phrase. I need substance…policies that will reward the audacity of hope with the rarity of progressive change.

My job as a citizen is to demand those policies along with that vision of Senator Obama…as I do of all candidates courting my vote.

So, I’m going to be cautious here.

Mayhap the media should be cautious too. As much as I understand the appeal…the attraction of a viable candidate of color…the allure of a woman with a chance…as much as I understand that shit, this bitch also understands my role in this process.

The frenzy is starting early…there will be no incumbent in the Presidential field in '08…and the only things a bitch can control are my expectations and my vote.

This bitch is embracing the audacity of hope by remaining undecided for now…

Yes, this bitch caught Madonna on Oprah yesterday.

Hit pause.

Note – a bitch is switching to an affected Detroit meets London via New York and Miami accent.

Hit play.

No, a bitch is not moved to change my opinion.

Blink…blink again, as if trying to gain composure.

Honestly (very haughty here, please), the show made my head hurt terribly.

Sniff.

Something about watching two of the world’s richest women (watch your phrasing, now…you know the rich speak slowly and carefully)…two women known internationally by their first name…discuss whether money and celebrity makes shit happen faster in Africa blew my mind.

Dust unseen dust particle from sleeve.

I must confess that this bitch is a trained Anthropologist (Aaaahnthowpologist…more air = more British, right?), not a pop star. I almost hesitate to weigh in on the cultural implications of “everyone”…and that means folks on holiday (that’s what they call a vacation ‘cross “The Pond”) from the developed world…who visits Africa “saving a life” via adoption.

Again, I am not a pop star…sniff…but it seems to me that Madonna was moved…deeply moved…very moved, almost to tears but for her make-up...by the poverty and disease she witnessed and wanted to give a child a "better" life. In reality, she has no idea whether money influenced the process...unless I missed something in her over-documented personal history, she has never tried to adopt in Africa whilst broke.

Sigh.

None of this would matter if it didn't confuse a poorly understood issue...how to aid Africa without fucking up again and/or removing Africans.

Ugh!

As for Oprah’s praise of Madonna as brave...well, a bitch shall borrow one of Ms. O’s favorite words…I’m shocked, SHOCKED (lots of air and hit the “C” hard) to hear such praise being tossed about.

Drop accent…Gawd, how the fuck does she maintain that? Jesus, that shit is tiresome.

Lawd!

The aid workers on the ground are brave…the organizations that have worked for years to address the damage done by colonial neglect, war, corruption and greed are brave. The doctors and foundations working to end death by malaria, which took David’s mother’s life, are brave. The humanitarians who advocate debt forgiveness…those who advocate for adjusted pricing of meds and food...the activists who venture into Darfur to document the unthinkable so that no one can ever say they didn’t know are brave.

Madonna going on Oprah to discuss the drama of being that baby's sorta-momma?

Uh, no.

As for shame, because according to Ms. Thang I’m supposed to be ashamed of myself (blink)…I don’t think so. International adoption and what Madonna just done did are two radically different species. Trust me…I’ve friends who waited YEARS to adopt from abroad, who spent their life savings to bring their child to America and who did so out of love and want, not pity or misplaced guilt.

Shit, they even managed to get it done without a film crew and a dance sequence.

Mayhap Madonna should look at the diva in the mirror and make that change...

A bitch dreamed a little dream last night…about the President (Scooter B. to this bitch), his minions and a certain phrase that just kept playing and playing and playing over and over again for years until reality pissed in the RNC’s Cornflakes inspiring a Congress-based minion revolt which then forced a linguistic flip flop.

Note to newish readers – the following is this bitch’s recollection of a dream my ass had last night and in no way reflects reality. It may, however, reflect the two shots of Nyquil a bitch consumed before slumber (wink).

A Bitch's Dream - The Great Linguistic Flip Flop of 2006
Alone in the Oval, Scooter B. sat staring blankly at the peanut butter and jelly sandwich before him, appetite gone due to the never ending hard work of his office. A minion came forward with a glass of ice cold milk hoping to break Scooter B. of his malaise, but the President seemed not to notice.

Scooter B. sighed heavily and looked up as Karl Rove entered the room.

“Sir.”

“Karl” the president replied.

“I can see by the look on your face that the gravity of the situation is apparent to you.” Rove said, his eyes never leaving Scooter B.’s face.

Scooter sighed again. “Yes, Karl. I just don’t know what to do about it.” His voice took on a whining tone. “Honestly, I think Anna Nicole should submit to the DNA tests! Shit, Karl, if she’s right what’s she so scared of? Why not just…”

Scooter B. broke off mid sentence and ducked under his desk…spilling milk on the disturbingly uncluttered desk surface…as Rove heaved the files he was carrying across the room.

“Jesus H. Christ! We are on the verge of loosing Congress and you are sitting here deeply troubled over Anna Nicole Smith and who her baby’s daddy may or may not be? We are at war, asshole…domestically and abroad!” Rove sputtered and kicked a chair.

Taking deep measured breathes, he counted to 100. “Get up, sit down and shut the fuck up.”

Scooter B. emerged from beneath the desk. “You spilled my milk!”

“SHUT UP!”

Scooter B. took his seat and frowned at the milk spillage like a defiant toddler.

“Congress is rebelling. The polls are showing the most Americans think this war is off course…and that we are insane for wanting to 'stay the course' that is taking us straight into someone else’s civil war. Do you understand me?” Rove paused until Scooter B. nodded. “Good. Our fear based campaigning will only work is the masses think we are the party to protect them. Right now we look like the party most likely not to able to find our ass with both our hands.”

Scooter B. rolled his eyes and stuck his lip out.

“We need to give the impression of being open to exploring options without appearing to change course, because you mouthed off one time too many about how changing the course is 'cutting and running'…you stupid fuck!” Rove bit off each word.

Folding his arms, Scooter B. muttered bitterly…"I’m the motherfucking decider, ass. That means I get to decide. I’m a two termer! Deciders don’t cut and run because…” A book hit him smartly on the forehead.

“Shut up! You will sign this…it will be sent to the minions to calm them the hell down…you will go forth and say 'stay the course' no more. Talk about anything else. The economy even!” Rove rose and shoved the papers under Scooter B.’s nose.

As Scooter slowly printed his name Rove shifted to gaze out the window.

“We will present a united hair splitting rhetoric changing without substantive policy shifting front.”

Scooter B. looked up hopefully “Then I get to be the decider again, right? Right Karl? Right?”

But this time Rove didn’t respond with support, his usual fatherly hair ruffle and the promise of cookies before bedtime.

The room remained silent...with only the ticking of the clock...

Tick and tock.

Tick.

Tock.

A bitch hopes y’all had a fantabulous weekend!

This bitch enjoyed the hell out of The Dresden Dolls. If everyone took the stage with as much humor and fun as The Dresden Dolls live music wouldn’t suck so damned much! They were fantastical…and the hordes of black on black wearing frown-based youth were a joy to observe too.

Oh, to be young and vampiricly punk again.

Sigh.

Anyhoo…

That’s Just My Baby’s Daddy…
A bitch wanted to update y’all on the Madonna adoption option thang.

What?

Well, this is about Madonna’s baby’s daddy...pending the legalities.

Sheesh (wink).

The latest news is that the father of the Malawian child Madonna is…well, plans to…ummm, has custody of…oh, fuck it…has possession of at the moment outside of the country of Malawi...

Pause.

Jesus to Gawd, this much drama has to be hazardous to our health!

Whew.

Sorry.

Where was I?

Yes, Madonna’s pending baby’s daddy is now saying that he never intended Madonna to be his baby’s momma (had to…this bitch just had to go there…shit, you thought it too).

Mr. Banda claims that…well, here’s what he had to say...

“Had they told us that Madonna wanted to adopt my son and make him her own son, we would not have agreed to that," Banda said through a translator. “It would have been better for him to continue staying at the orphanage because I see no reason why my child should be given away forever when I can feed him,"

Lawd, have mercy.

Freshen up those drama fallout bunkers, chil’ren...this shit is escalating fast as a motherfucker!

Happy Friday!

One of my new pairs of eyeglasses is in, y'all. I’m jumping into Miss Sistah Girl Cabrio to pick them up at lunch! This bitch hopes they are the funktified pair (as you may recall, my ass took advantage of the buy one get one free deal), because a bitch wants to debut them at The Dresden Dolls concert tomorrow at The Pageant.

What?

A bitch’s tastes are very diverse (wink).

Anyhoo…

This bitch’s outfit will be the shit no matter what, but I want those new eyeglasses as a finishing touch.

Moving forward…

I was planning to write about the breaking news that just keeps on breaking out of North Korea and how the Dear Leader is now expressing regret over going nuclear after having been told to chill their ass out by China.

A bitch is curious about that shit. My ass is having a hard time buying the party line (wink) that China had no idea and that the Hermit Kingdom would defy the world. That just doesn’t pass the smell test. Seems to this bitch that North Korea got the bargaining power that comes with nuclear capabilities…and China was able to establish that they are the only country capable of reasoning with them.

A bitch is still mulling this shit over.

Anyhoo, that international shit is on hold…because a bitch just read this and has to do a happiness and joy dance in my work-based area!

Fraggle Rock is being made into a movie!

Oh, it gets better.

Pause to maintain drama.

Ahmet Zappa is developing it into a full length musical spectacular featuring the founding Fraggles in all their magnificent Fraggle-based glory!

Oh shit…oh, my Gawd!

Give a bitch a second.

Gasp.

This is fantastically fabulous news…fan-fucking-tabulous even!

Mmmmhmmm, a bitch is doing a sharktastic dance about my work area whilst singing...

Dance your cares away…worry's for another day…let the music play…down at Fraggle Rock!

A certain Rileysdtr has found a bitch out (wink)! Very good eye, my friend…very good indeed.

This bitch took a spin over at Salon.com’s Broadsheet yesterday (October 18th) and would like to extend a very sincere thank you to the Broadsheet team and Page Rockwell!

You can get a site pass and read Salon.com...just watch the ad and help them pay the bills.

Oh, and Herbsistah may want to check there for a bitch’s thoughts on Madonna and her recent adoption. Note…and I hesitate to write this, but I think this shit needs to be clarified for some newer readers…

Sigh.

This bitch does not have a problem with cross racial adoption. Some people do...I don't. Chil’ren deserve loving homes…’nuff said…and a bitch is on record more than once about that. Same sex, cross racial, single parenting…it’s all good as long as there is a foundation of love and a respect for culture.

Madonna’s adoption strikes me as another kind of thing.

It disturbs me…the use of celebrity and wealth to bend rules, the fact that this child’s father gave up custody because he couldn’t afford to raise his son after the mother died…all of it disturbs.

I find her defense almost more disturbing. She's granted him the opportunity to live a life of luxury...a better life...she saved him, so you just hush.

Hmmm…where have I heard that before?

Oh yes! That’s the language of conquest and conversion for the "good" of the conquered and converted. History is lousy with good intentions gone bad and privilege run amuck. Shit, havn't you seen The Mission (wink)?

What I hear is in her defense is that it’s okay to skirt the law, impose religious requirements on a “humanitarian” donation (and this bitch could give a shit if Catholics do it too...I'm no Catholic) and buy an African baby…as long as you pay an impressive premium and are offering a life of money.

Or did I get that wrong?

This bitch is singing Billie Holliday...hard.

Them thats got shall get
Them thats not shall lose
So the Bible said and it still is news
Mama may have, papa may have
But God bless the child thats got his own

Thats got his own…

A certain Jeffrey Ricker and his partner Michael Wallerstein contributed stories that are being published in the soon to be released PAWS AND REFLECT
Exploring the Bond Between Gay Men and Their Dogs by Neil Plakcy and Sharon Sakson (Alyson Books/ November 2006).

Fantabulous!

PAWS AND REFLECT celebrates the joy, growth, and healing offered to all of us by the dogs in our lives. That’s the kind of celebration that resonates with everyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

A bitch is planning a celebratory event in St. Louis sometime in November (details will be posted soon) and both Jeffrey and Michael have graciously agreed to sign copies of the book!

So, go forth and order PAWS AND REFLECT.

Congrats Jeffrey and Michael!

Lawd, have mercy!

This bitch has been busy as hell.

This information came through from the Voter Protection Coalition the other day and a bitch thought my fellow Missourians would want to know this shit.

Note - Information about a bitch’s 2006 Election Debauch will be posted soon (wink)…

Today the Missouri Supreme Court issued its decision in Weinschenk v. Missouri, the case challenging the Photo ID requirements contained in SB1014. The Missouri Supreme Court, in a 6-1 opinion, affirmed the decision of Cole County Circuit Court Judge Richard Callahan that the law is unconstitutional. The court held that the law burdened the fundamental right to vote and violated the equal protection provisions of the Missouri Constitution.

You can access the opinion here.

The decision means that registered voters will NOT be required to present one of the four forms of photo ID outlined in SB1014 this November.

Voters will be able to show up at the polls this November and vote upon presenting one of the many types of identification spelled out in Section 115.427 of the Missouri Revised Statutes (including an out-of-state driver's license, university ID, utility bill or bank statement, or personal knowledge of two election judges if the person lacks any ID).

Voters can present any of the following:

(1) Identification issued by the state of Missouri, an agency of the state, or a local election authority of the state
(2) Identification issued by the United States government
(3) Identification issued by an institution of higher education, including a university, college, vocational and technical school, located within the state of Missouri
(4) A copy of a current utility bill, bank statement, government check, paycheck or other government document that contains the name and address of the voter
(5) Driver's license or state identification card issued by another state
(6) Other identification approved by the secretary of state under rules promulgated pursuant to subsection 3 of this section other identification approved by federal law.

Personal knowledge of the voter by two supervising election judges, one from each major political party, shall be acceptable voter identification upon the completion of a secretary of state-approved affidavit that is signed by both supervisory election judges and the voter that attests to the personal knowledge of the voter by the two supervisory election judges.

Congratulations to everyone who worked on this issue…and thank you.

Now go forth, my fellow citizens, and get your vote on Tuesday November 7th!